Denis Leary (@denisleary) :: twtr2src | Twitter to Evernote or Email everyday!

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, May 18</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/203507091200151552">15:27</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Van Halen cancels tour. So, if you want to see David Lee Roth act like an asshole, you have to go to Starbucks.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, May 17</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/203201671143231488">19:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;New google search tool thinks more like a human. Thinks about finding free porn 24/7.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, May 15</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/202497139299983360">20:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Study says women check their reflections 8 x a day. Number goes down to 3 if you don't count the Kardashians.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, May 14</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201827969063325696">00:15</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Happy Mothers Day! Or Happy Two Moms Day. Whichever one applies.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, May 12</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201408992684163072">20:30</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Bristol Palin is against gay marriage. Thinks kids should be raised by teenaged mom &amp; hockey player who skips town to fuck a waitress.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, May 11</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201070969794727936">22:07</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I thought attachment parenting was when my mom hit me in the head w the 8 inch long metal serving spoon attached to her hand.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201070721663901696">22:06</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Personally I wasn't offended. I just couldn't believe Time magazine still existed.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201070204032262144">22:04</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;67% of women offended by Time magazine breastfeeding cover of mom &amp; her 4 yr old son. 98% of men wish they WERE the son.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201022503831879681">18:54</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Mitt Romney was a prep school bully. Which means he'd stuff you into a locker if you wore white pants after labor day.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/200948811223404545">14:01</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Only thing funnier than Merril Hoge's tie in this photo is TO on Dr Phil cause he lost 80 mil. <a href="http://t.co/fa5xRjid">http://t.co/fa5xRjid</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, May 10</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/200658393084608513">18:47</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Court says viewing child porn on internet not a crime in NY. Plus you're entitled to a jury of 12 Sanduskys.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/200592445417865218">14:25</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney believes marriage should be between a rich white man and his massive inherited trust fund.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, May 09</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/200326756513746944">20:49</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;New American toilet seat supports up to 1200 pound human being. But you have to change the shocks every 6 months <a href="http://t.co/2ggayQzN">http://t.co/2ggayQzN</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/200276166039445504">17:28</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;"Racism isn't born, folks. It's taught. I have a 2 yr old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list." - Me, 1992. True now as it was then.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, May 08</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/199895846567948289">16:17</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;50% of Americans support gay marriage. Other 50% is divorced.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, May 05</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/198824079342583809">17:18</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Best Backstage Pass So Far This Year: <a href="http://t.co/KTbyqk66">http://t.co/KTbyqk66</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/198780217320423425">14:24</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;My mom's idea of a tanning bed was making us stand in front of an open refrigerator door until we turned bright red. Which took about 4 mins</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, May 04</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/198218890533289984">01:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;It's a TV Academy Honors Award. Looks more like a Golden Globe on steroids. <a href="http://t.co/8Pz1sKTN">http://t.co/8Pz1sKTN</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/198218789559615488">01:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Dear @<a href="http://twitter.com/realmikefox">realmikefox</a> : finally won me an Emmy. <a href="http://t.co/sFPZ91Ss">http://t.co/sFPZ91Ss</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/198209947064991744">00:38</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Little movie I have coming out this summer... <a href="http://t.co/ctFu49RN">http://t.co/ctFu49RN</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, May 02</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/197748591203328000">18:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;My dog Gomer wants to change his name to Metta World Ballsack Licker.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sun, Apr 29</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/196739018757640192">23:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;BURN wins Audience Award at Tribeca Film Fest!!!! Thanks to everyone who voted! <a href="http://t.co/URAWiuRN">http://t.co/URAWiuRN</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Apr 26</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/195615374199357440">20:48</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Friday. 715p. Me. Somerville Theater. BURN fire documentary. Screening and Q&amp;A. Help us support our heroes. TICKETS: <a href="http://t.co/rgsMexC5">http://t.co/rgsMexC5</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Apr 25</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/195266163108876288">21:40</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;NFL. National Firefighters League. Director Tom Putnam and I talking BURN with your host @<a href="http://twitter.com/richeisen">richeisen</a>. <a href="http://t.co/jvym5pih">http://t.co/jvym5pih</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/detroitfirefilm">detroitfirefilm</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Apr 24</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/194836757945135104">17:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Check out the trailer and learn more about BURN here: <a href="http://t.co/AY1xrKh7">http://t.co/AY1xrKh7</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/194836652131233792">17:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm coming to Boston with BURN this Fri 4/27 for screening & Q&A at IFFB. No questions about Bobby Valentine. TICKETS: <a href="http://t.co/rgsMexC5">http://t.co/rgsMexC5</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Apr 23</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/194478833603313666">17:32</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;BURN sold out massively successful premiere at TriBeCa last night: <a href="http://t.co/c6Lrx58C">http://t.co/c6Lrx58C</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/194426878826774528">14:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;He should change his name again: Metta World Peace Death Blow Elbow</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/194425521084440577">14:00</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Gotta love Ron Artest, if only for this headline: Severe Punishment Expected For World Peace.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Apr 19</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/193105673771429888">22:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Head to @<a href="http://twitter.com/Apostletvfilm">Apostletvfilm</a>'s FB page <a href="https://t.co/Rj7ldDAS">https://t.co/Rj7ldDAS</a> to get tix to Sold Out <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23BURN">#BURN</a> premiere this Sun @<a href="http://twitter.com/TribecaFilmFest">TribecaFilmFest</a> <a href="http://t.co/tdmy2cdl">http://t.co/tdmy2cdl</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/193073485709443073">20:28</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Mike Tyson's doing a one man show in Vegas. It's called Holy Shit Am I Broke.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/193040860324171776">18:18</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Should've known Secret Service guys liked to party. Their code name for President Obama was Tebow.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Apr 18</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192720544104329216">21:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I wanna see Hologram Tupac tour with Hologram Biggie and then both get shot by the actual Suge Knight.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192719427597373441">21:01</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;With Dick Clark dead, Casey Kasem now reveling in his status as last and reigning king of leather faced syrup voiced lizard people.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192718328194793472">20:56</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm gonna package a Dick Clark Hologram mc'ing a Tupac Hologram summer tour.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192716484890460161">20:49</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Dick Clark dead. Okay so now I'm starting to get a little more concerned about all this 2012 Mayan shit</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Apr 17</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192345501981605890">20:15</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Does Bobby Valentine owe Curt Schilling money? WTF?</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192319739245232129">18:32</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Roger Clemens goes back on trial. Which means Brian McNamee needs to get the next 2 weeks off at Olive Garden.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192310236747530242">17:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Professor Canseco on global warming: <a href="http://t.co/IKcGj62W">http://t.co/IKcGj62W</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Apr 12</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190550715721191426">21:23</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Axl Rose wont be at his Rock Hall Of Fame induction tomorrow. He's busy. Getting honored by the Head Up Your Own Ass Museum.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190539740192313344">20:39</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Ahh. The good old Big Red Gambling Machine. // "@<a href="http://twitter.com/ProgScape">ProgScape</a> Marge Schott would nod her head in approval." <a href="http://t.co/qD5MfaJC">http://t.co/qD5MfaJC</a> &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/ProgScape/statuses/190472859066445825" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to ProgScape</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190522523526496256">19:31</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Coming soon: Red Sox cologne. Insert fried chicken and beer joke at your leisure.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190521993102241793">19:29</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Yankees have official cologne now. In case u ever wanted to smell like entitlement filtered through a gallon of Drakkar wrapped in Modell's.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190472720432119810">16:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;If Ozzie Guillen is as crazy as I think he is, he'll start rocking the Hitler moustache sometime this weekend.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Apr 11</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190196637052833792">21:56</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;They asked me to sign inside The Green Monster. Next to Neil Diamond. Couldn't help it - had to add Lenny's name. <a href="http://t.co/1VXYi8s1">http://t.co/1VXYi8s1</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190196374749450240">21:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Memorial brick for my Dad unveiled at Fenway. He'd be shitting one right now if he could see this. <a href="http://t.co/EyKKrukH">http://t.co/EyKKrukH</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190123795116335104">17:06</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Hot Pockets $4.79- new @<a href="http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan">JimGaffigan</a> special "Mr Universe" 5 bucks. CIA plot or clever marketing ploy? I'm going w ploy: <a href="http://t.co/h2FEDEEk">http://t.co/h2FEDEEk</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Apr 10</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/189814235545616385">20:36</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Porn sites account for 30% of internet traffic. Shocking. My average is around 97.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/189783381993721856">18:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/RedSox">RedSox</a>: Actor & comedian @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> visits the Green Monster wall. Segment to air on CBS "This Morning" on 4/20 <a href="http://t.co/cyM4HwIH">http://t.co/cyM4HwIH</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/189749630089703424">16:20</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Here's the thing about Fidel Castro - he still has a better fastball than half of the Red Sox bullpen.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Apr 09</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/189398174924931072">17:03</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Peanut Butter and Jelly Vodka. This is just going to make things too easy for priests now.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, Apr 07</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/188671459093258240">16:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Easter Info: Jesus saves, Espo scores on the rebound. <a href="http://t.co/Kbe7Sr5K">http://t.co/Kbe7Sr5K</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/188423318343397376">00:29</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23FollowFriday">#FollowFriday</a> “@<a href="http://twitter.com/KenRogerson">KenRogerson</a>: German Nobal laureate calls Israel a threat to world peace. Well, SOMEONE has a short memory.”</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Apr 06</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/188406406163083265">23:22</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;If Keith Olbermann is a 10 million dollar chandelier then Bob Costas is the lobby of the Paris Four Seasons.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Apr 05</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187974228463726593">18:45</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Ryan Gosling just saved my life. Called my agent and turned down Dumbo Drop 2.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Apr 04</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187598420431736833">17:52</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I had no idea @<a href="http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan">JimGaffigan</a> has such a global reach. Fuckin hot pockets. Who knew? <a href="http://t.co/rmsjjxHR">http://t.co/rmsjjxHR</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187547246928199682">14:28</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman">SarahKSilverman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman">sarahksilverman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/massholesports">massholesports</a> wicked wicked pissa awesome. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman/statuses/187330929050660864" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to SarahKSilverman</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187547176124170242">14:28</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman">SarahKSilverman</a>: Hahaha that's wicked awesome RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> C'mon @<a href="http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman">sarahksilverman</a> . Make @<a href="http://twitter.com/massholesports">massholesports</a> day. <a href="http://t.co/Tw3hHwgU">http://t.co/Tw3hHwgU</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187547047006715904">14:27</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/_stacii">_stacii</a> you deserve full credit. chicken / egg. can't have one w out the other. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/_stacii/statuses/186952930358853632" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to _stacii</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187546971131752450">14:27</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/_stacii">_stacii</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> THIS IS ME! I wish I only got two minutes for hooking!</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Apr 03</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187316014906744832">23:09</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Another Reason FF's Kick Ass: <a href="http://t.co/EtDxTkla">http://t.co/EtDxTkla</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187241581768749057">18:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/MassholeSports">MassholeSports</a> forget jumping off bridges - unless it's Jeff Bridges's head - just make more funny signs. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/MassholeSports/statuses/187220222409850881" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to MassholeSports</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187210127697379328">16:09</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;C'mon @<a href="http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman">sarahksilverman</a> . Make @<a href="http://twitter.com/massholesports">massholesports</a> day. <a href="http://t.co/IKH8z3hV">http://t.co/IKH8z3hV</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Apr 02</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186960114157232128">23:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Only way he could have a better hockey name is if its as Shattenfuck. Or Shotthatkills.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186959875417452545">23:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Barry Melrose NHL defenseman of week Kevin Shattenkirk. <a href="http://t.co/sY1AqnGe">http://t.co/sY1AqnGe</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186938190270181376">22:08</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;And hey, the real sign is pretty great too: <a href="http://t.co/SWdEWAqK">http://t.co/SWdEWAqK</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186937962590773248">22:07</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Why I looooove photoshop - best hockey sign ever, even if it is fake. <a href="http://t.co/Vbvqu6F4">http://t.co/Vbvqu6F4</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186629941889208320">01:43</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Rascal Flatts was discovered on Ed McMahon’s “Star Search.” Proving once again that alcoholics don’t care who they hurt. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23ACMs">#ACMs</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186622486337695745">01:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Nominated for song of the year: “You & Tequila.” Wait a minute. None of these shitkickers thought of that title till this year? <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Mar 30</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185866934162685952">23:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;As if Kate Winslet needed to be even sexier. Her great book supporting autism awareness: <a href="http://t.co/3GtNQGVc">http://t.co/3GtNQGVc</a> // <a href="http://t.co/PTeRTMyi">http://t.co/PTeRTMyi</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185836438972145665">21:10</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;ACM awards- they should call it The Big Hair, Bigger Hats Show. It's also April Fools. What better time to have a @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweetroast">tweetroast</a> ? <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185836170410852353">21:09</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Sunday is The Academy Of Country Music Awards. Yeah - I didn't know what the fuck they were either.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185800767616192514">18:48</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Academy Of Country Music Awards. Sunday 4/1. Better yet: @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweetroast">tweetroast</a> of ACM's. Same time. Laugh. Sing. Puke. <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23ACMs">#ACMs</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Mar 29</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185410610102681601">16:58</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;When friends come visit me in NY I like to meet them at the corner of Cock and Balls: <a href="http://t.co/3DhySgEc">http://t.co/3DhySgEc</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Mar 28</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185082031548530688">19:12</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Red Sox sign him to a 1 yr contract. Apparently he only blows .198 against lefties.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185081796759785472">19:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Drunk guy in Brockton, MA blows a .384 on the Breathalyzer. Breaking Daryl Strawberry's career high of .356</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185081459508396032">19:10</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/colinhealy79">colinhealy79</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> I'm same age as Jesus. Have I cured a leper? No. Have I raised someone from the dead? No. Have I washed a ...</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/184986924421890048">12:54</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Study says 33 is the happiest age. Really? Anyone ask Jesus?</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Mar 26</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/184369848678236160">20:02</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Hockey Nickname Of The Month: Nose Face Killah. <a href="http://t.co/QlgF5cfh">http://t.co/QlgF5cfh</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Mar 22</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182909650985947136">19:20</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Sometimes Michael J. Fox likes to cuddle. @<a href="http://twitter.com/realmikefox">realmikefox</a> <a href="http://t.co/vCIos0VB">http://t.co/vCIos0VB</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182891815215693824">18:09</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I wanna thank The Daily Bugle for framing me in a flattering way for this interview- my nose almost fits in the shot. <a href="http://t.co/UDZOBaOO">http://t.co/UDZOBaOO</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Mar 21</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182577771317428224">21:21</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/Wbrain70">Wbrain70</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> how long in NY before Tebow's eye black reads "Matt. 27:46" (my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?)</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182558041126871041">20:03</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Elway's daughter said she wouldn't marry Tim Tebow even if he actually WAS Jesus.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182540425628889089">18:53</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Tebow traded to Jets for fourth round pick. The deal was worked out by his new agent, Judas.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182531381828665344">18:17</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Peyton cant practice w the team until April 15th. And he's not allowed to have his first concussion until the second week in May.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Mar 20</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182235859049918464">22:43</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Fuck! They're BOTH my fault. Math sucks.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182235703030190080">22:42</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Although I could be blamed for diminishing supply of whiskey. Which would of course raise the price. And I drive giant gas-guzzling trucks.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182235457269153794">22:41</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Obama's to blame for the price of gas like I'm to blame for the price of whiskey.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182228379800571904">22:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;At this point the only reason to fight Milan Lucic is if you want your nose located INSIDE your face. <a href="http://t.co/yjYCcuNr">http://t.co/yjYCcuNr</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182183122677411841">19:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Satan Manning signs with Denver. Or at least that's what Tim Tebow told me in prayer circle this morning.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Mar 19</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/181763697142800384">15:26</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Already voting for 2013 Oscars: Best Pic: Goon. Actor: Sean William Scott. Supporting: Liev Schreiber. <a href="http://t.co/CsQDoFpg">http://t.co/CsQDoFpg</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, Mar 17</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/180814581478850560">00:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Have to have big balls to wear a fur coat. And his are big. Like dog ball big. Saint Bernard Big.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/180814374519320576">00:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;This is what Lenny wears when we have to appear in front of 33,000 people at Fenway Park. <a href="http://t.co/QRwqUdU1">http://t.co/QRwqUdU1</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/180808234343473152">00:10</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;My favorite show on TV right now is Scott Caan's hair. <a href="http://t.co/NQbA3icf">http://t.co/NQbA3icf</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Mar 14</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/179941274646884353">14:45</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;So - just to summarize - the only form of birth control still approved by the Catholic Church is jerking off an altar boy.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sun, Mar 11</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178985034752069632">23:25</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Or women's rights. Or black quarterbacks. We already know.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178984895513767936">23:24</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;The pope reminding us he hates gay marriage is like Rush Limbaugh reminding us he hates salads.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178984540319125504">23:23</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;The Pope wants to remind us he is against gay marriage. And wearing any shoe other than Prada.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178904876074532864">18:07</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Also gives the lamp someone to talk to.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178904702531010561">18:06</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;LSD cures alcoholics. At least for the 13 hours they spend staring at their hands.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Mar 09</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178203350083444736">19:39</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay - its not a taco shell made out of Doritos. It's just one giant fucking Dorito. That you could put more Doritos in.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178188801682841602">18:41</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;HULK HOGAN SEX TAPE SPOILER ALERT: At 10:54, he brings out the folding chair....</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178187742201651200">18:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/thislspete">thislspete</a>: What about that devastating leg drop? ?"@<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a>: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape."</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178171161430081537">17:31</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/regardingkevin">regardingkevin</a>: Five: Andre The Giant Sex Tape. RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a>: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177917723924373504">00:44</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Mar 08</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177865129524858881">21:15</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;There are over 1000 new hate groups in the US. 847 of them involve A-Rod.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177831600342568961">19:02</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;FUCK THIS ASSHOLE. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23STOPKONY">#STOPKONY</a> <a href="http://t.co/oaURj7Or">http://t.co/oaURj7Or</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177547025624215552">00:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Tommy Gavin & crew fight fires forever in the hallowed halls of the @<a href="http://twitter.com/smithsonian">smithsonian</a> in DC. <a href="http://t.co/KVaCfhhe">http://t.co/KVaCfhhe</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Mar 07</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177538478479912960">23:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Me and my writing partner Peter Tolan! Two punks from the workin' classes of Massachusetts. MASSHOLES! <a href="http://t.co/V8O5YC50">http://t.co/V8O5YC50</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177538085574295552">23:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;In case you missed it: Rescue Me was inducted into the Smithsonian, bitch! <a href="http://t.co/Rr2ises7">http://t.co/Rr2ises7</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177446969164308480">17:33</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;We recently lost a grant, so are hustling to be ready for festival. It's not too late to get involved! Donate now! <a href="http://t.co/tdmy2cdl">http://t.co/tdmy2cdl</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177446330552160256">17:31</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Detroit Fire doc BURN has been accepted to premiere at @<a href="http://twitter.com/TribecaFilmFest">TribecaFilmFest</a> ! Here's the trailer: <a href="http://t.co/tdmy2cdl">http://t.co/tdmy2cdl</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177424712551501824">16:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;These guys are personal friends of mine and it's a great night for a great cause: <a href="http://t.co/xEMGUEbX">http://t.co/xEMGUEbX</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Mar 06</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177165465511149568">22:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Her hair looks like she found it in the freezer. <a href="http://t.co/uWjGIvyb">http://t.co/uWjGIvyb</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177165223197806592">22:54</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I get the feeling Jan Brewer calls every Spanish guy in Arizona Carlos.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176865348488929281">03:02</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy">chrisdcomedy</a>: My apologies Sister Joan, 1998. RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a>: Where I come from you win the paper airplane contest when you hit the ...</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Mar 05</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176800650410213376">22:45</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Right after this photo was taken Holly ate my iPhone. She don't like no papparazzi. <a href="http://t.co/WdRLhdKo">http://t.co/WdRLhdKo</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176775927194324994">21:07</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/spooncwru">spooncwru</a>: Based on the size, I'd say his ability to perform in the clutch. RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His ...</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176767306435805184">20:33</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe its a flute - he's gonna pull it out all of a sudden and go Jethro Tull. <a href="http://t.co/YOtdymfX">http://t.co/YOtdymfX</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176766332837179392">20:29</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;He's got some serious Urkel type shit goin on. <a href="http://t.co/OeVEbVII">http://t.co/OeVEbVII</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176740360284934144">18:46</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His balls? <a href="http://t.co/7g2OVhUE">http://t.co/7g2OVhUE</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, Mar 03</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176068196565123073">22:15</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Rush Limbaugh charges 17 bucks for a Rush Limbaugh coffee mug. Who's the real whore here? <a href="http://t.co/vpcYVAyk">http://t.co/vpcYVAyk</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176067321952083968">22:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Rush Limbaugh calls a female grad student a slut. Sounds like somebody wouldn't share their Oxycontin.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Mar 02</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/175687644150374400">21:02</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Amazing. Autism awareness for first responders: Bill Cannata @<a href="http://twitter.com/fireautism">fireautism</a> on Today show: <a href="http://t.co/i3t8ecRM">http://t.co/i3t8ecRM</a> His site: <a href="http://t.co/gO565cnM">http://t.co/gO565cnM</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/175624119742758912">16:50</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Newt won 6.5% of the Michigan vote. Wow. Gates Brown coulda picked up 9% with one phone call. <a href="http://t.co/gqX7dqwp">http://t.co/gqX7dqwp</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Mar 01</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/175351539894992896">22:47</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Where I come from you win the paper airplane contest when you hit the math nun in the eye.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Feb 29</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/174976029872496640">21:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I believe in a seperation of Rick Santorum and the constitution.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/174890180656902144">16:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Bobby Valentine says no more booze in Red Sox clubhouse. Bright side: at least security won't have to worry about Sean Young showing up.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Feb 28</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/174620471306883072">22:22</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Santorum nightmare: I'm a pro-choice college-educated lapsed Catholic & tho I ain't Satan I'm pretty sure him & me r 2nd cousins.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Feb 27</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173963246255091713">02:50</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> Oscar Fact: more people will see this tweet than ever saw Tree Of Life.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173953867057348608">02:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173951316706607105">02:03</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sun, Feb 26</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173907802367074304">23:10</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Spielberg. Scorcese. @<a href="http://twitter.com/OpieRadio">OpieRadio</a> . @<a href="http://twitter.com/AnthonyCumia">AnthonyCumia</a> . Together. One night only. Tonight 7p EST. <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweet_roast">tweet_roast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, Feb 25</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173535433798594562">22:30</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Streep. Clooney. Pitt. @<a href="http://twitter.com/JimNorton">JimNorton</a> . Where can u see all 4 names on same marquee? Only here: <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweet_roast">tweet_roast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173234280049287168">02:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/DrewOlsonMKE">DrewOlsonMKE</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> Braun's mom is a marathoner. Nick couldn't have caught her.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Feb 24</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173168835501899776">22:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Braun's from Mission Hills, CA. Think I remember doing a gig with @<a href="http://twitter.com/NickDiPaolo">NickDiPaolo</a> there back '83. Hmmm....</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173168284772999168">22:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Ryan Braun is guilty. Of looking like @<a href="http://twitter.com/NickDiPaolo">NickDiPaolo</a> 's son. <a href="http://t.co/3h2uk4kH">http://t.co/3h2uk4kH</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173165444847509504">22:00</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/Likeitorlumpit">Likeitorlumpit</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> sounds like a great way to keep from lapsing into a coma during the <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23Oscars">#Oscars</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173145960539627520">20:43</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;EVEN MORE <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> Roasters: @<a href="http://twitter.com/louiskatz">louiskatz</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/GregFitzShow">GregFitzShow</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/adamferrara">adamferrara</a> <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173145677197606914">20:42</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;MORE <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> Roasters: @<a href="http://twitter.com/WendyLiebman">WendyLiebman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/annielederman">annielederman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/RichVos">RichVos</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/laughspincom">laughspincom</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/thelaughbutton">thelaughbutton</a> <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173145049733926913">20:39</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;More <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> Roasters: @<a href="http://twitter.com/OpieRadio">OpieRadio</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/AnthonyCumia">AnthonyCumia</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/bonniemcfarlane">bonniemcfarlane</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/Fred_Stoller">Fred_Stoller</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/PeteDominick">PeteDominick</a> <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173144873225031680">20:38</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> Roasters: @<a href="http://twitter.com/JoeDeRosaComedy">JoeDeRosaComedy</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/jonathan_katz">jonathan_katz</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/JimNorton">JimNorton</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/RobertKelly">RobertKelly</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/AlanZweibel">AlanZweibel</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/morgan_murphy">morgan_murphy</a> <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173144482668216321">20:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> Sunday. 7p EST. Seriously. Are the assholes yer watching the <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> w gonna be funnier than these guys - here comes the list:</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173142806917939200">20:30</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;1st Ever TWEETROAST! Sun night laugh yer ass off during the Oscars. <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a> Follow @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweet_roast">tweet_roast</a> and use <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> to join in</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Feb 23</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/172786601578070018">20:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I watched the debate and I think I found Satan. He's head of programming at CNN.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/172753221209702400">18:42</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;The Liza Colby Sound: easy on the eyes and ears. Get the album on iTunes: <a href="http://t.co/deVRpYmZ">http://t.co/deVRpYmZ</a> <a href="http://t.co/xmq3bppd">http://t.co/xmq3bppd</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/172752962307891200">18:41</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Check out my supersexytalented band member Liza Colby & her band The Liza Colby Sound- Sun 2/26 at Bowery Electric & Weds 2/29 at Lit NYC.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Feb 22</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/172368271193018369">17:12</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;A gay republican sheriff in AZ? With an illegal alien BF? If this doesnt make Jan Brewer's head explode- nothing will. <a href="http://t.co/fKxWLPev">http://t.co/fKxWLPev</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Feb 21</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/171999412661391361">16:47</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;This is Holly. She's a Joe Pesci Terrier. Stab u in the neck w a pen over pizza crusts. <a href="http://t.co/uQdXHF5e">http://t.co/uQdXHF5e</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Feb 17</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/170639404963082240">22:42</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;YEAH! This is the actual tee shirt: RT // "@<a href="http://twitter.com/sisgear">sisgear</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> <a href="http://t.co/tjXLpfpQ”">http://t.co/tjXLpfpQ”</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/170597508957999104">19:56</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;T-shirt a friend saw: WHAT DO WE WANT? A CURE FOR TOURETTE'S! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? CUNT!</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Feb 15</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/169868187297513472">19:38</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Still time to help the cause. Get involved: <a href="http://t.co/tdmy2cdl">http://t.co/tdmy2cdl</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/169868023904219136">19:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;BURN doc about Detroit FD is hands down best ever portrayal of the job I have ever seen. Speaks to needs & problems of every FD in the USA.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Feb 13</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/169148040588955649">19:56</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;When is the memorial tribute for Brian Wilson?</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Feb 10</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/168074077528010752">20:49</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Oil Can's best pitch was a fastball cut w baby laxative.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/168073707489726464">20:47</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Today's Red Sox pitchers only use beer & buckets of fried chicken. We've come so far...</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/168071473813131264">20:38</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Oil Can Boyd admits pitching on blow. Which is why his games only lasted about 87 minutes.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Feb 08</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/167292887590109185">17:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay - so maybe they cant type or scream so i will: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU GOTTA FUCKIN BE SHITTIN ME!!! Make a difference: <a href="http://t.co/eW5kTEhV">http://t.co/eW5kTEhV</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/167292788285775873">17:04</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;9/11 first responders covered for carpal tunnel syndrome & laryngitis but not cancer?</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/167285779947724800">16:36</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Elenn Degeneres-hating anti-gay group OneMillionMoms.com only has 40,000 members. Which proves that bigots are really bad at math.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Feb 07</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166908415669575680">15:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx">xJONEZx</a> pink. Hairy. Huge. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx/statuses/166907793033539584" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to xJONEZx</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166907339524411392">15:33</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx">xJONEZx</a> why because of me? &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx/statuses/166906746605019137" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to xJONEZx</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166905657646256128">15:26</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;New Spiderman trailer. Fuckin Dafoe kicks ass! <a href="http://t.co/mRWiHEL4">http://t.co/mRWiHEL4</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Feb 06</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166630020125696000">21:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;If it's even fucking possible Giselle Fucking Bundchen just got even fucking hotter in my fucking book.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166536938545881090">15:01</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Ce Lo Green got closer to Eli Manning the second half than the Pats DL.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166536495707078656">14:59</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Sick about the Super Bowl. Not cause the Patriots lost. I think Madonna upset my equilibrium.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, Feb 04</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165627224383434752">02:46</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/S_Mart_Shopper">S_Mart_Shopper</a>: <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionFrigidCunts">#OneMillionFrigidCunts</a> RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> Help me come up with some other new names. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionWhat?.com">#OneMillionWhat?.com</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165627027926429696">02:45</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/evilmomthoughts">evilmomthoughts</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers">#onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165626868102463488">02:44</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/Gregootz">Gregootz</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> onemillionintolerantclosedmindedbitches ...too long?</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165589766056849408">00:17</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;My Super Bowl Prediction: Madonna sucks.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Feb 03</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165583821968908289">23:53</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Mickey D's also will use less toxic anti-freeze in sauces. Look at the bright side: during cold snap u can puke right into yr engine block.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165583481341091841">23:52</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;McDonalds agrees to stop using 'pink slime' in burgers. Don't panic! McMuffins will still be made with hog anus.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165562701312032769">22:29</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Help me come up with some other new names. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionWhat?.com">#OneMillionWhat?.com</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165554777604886528">21:58</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://t.co/ArEy8StT">http://t.co/ArEy8StT</a> wants JC Penney to fire Ellen Degeneres because she's gay. Better name? <a href="http://t.co/HJ83V7Oy">http://t.co/HJ83V7Oy</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165474143263916033">16:38</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/RobBaral">RobBaral</a> love to but cant - i have to help gingrich colonize mars</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165435852955201536">14:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney's not concerned about the poor. Unless one of them misses a spot while trimming his hedges.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Feb 02</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165185424300584961">21:30</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;17 days til Red Sox pitchers & catchers report to camp. KFC & Bud Lite arrive morning of. <a href="http://t.co/Z3W8uChi">http://t.co/Z3W8uChi</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165137906338500610">18:21</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Tebow is in town for the Super Bowl. Man, is he not gonna get laid.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165107267157491712">16:20</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Vince Wilfork's name should be Vince Wilfork-Knifeandspoon.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Feb 01</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164801590824402945">20:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;When is Peyton Manning gonna get the surgery to have Jim Irsay removed from his back?</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164764076621303809">17:36</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Call me when Blake Griffin slam dunks a Kia.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164725075772325889">15:01</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay, now that Al Green is taken care of, would it kill Obama to bust out a few bars of "The Asshole Song?"</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Jan 31</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164431741497524225">19:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;16 grand for a Super Bowl ticket? I'll pay 20 grand if it means Madonna doesn't sing.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164411292013182977">18:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I don't see resemblance: my nose is bigger. So is my forehead. And my chin. Fuck! This guy is wayyy better looking than me. Now I hate him.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164410750293655552">18:12</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Add this guy to the Dafoe / Ellen Degeneres / People Who Denis Looks Like pile. <a href="http://t.co/Bw2JDKN5">http://t.co/Bw2JDKN5</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Jan 27</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/162900049150476288">14:09</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Mitt believes in self-deportation. Which is how his money got to the Cayman Islands.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/162897802962272256">14:00</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Newt wants to colonize the moon. Mostly because zero gravity might remove three of his chins.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Jan 24</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161913647327739905">20:49</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Starbucks adding beer and wine at more stores. April 1st they open in the Red Sox clubhouse.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161899108100096000">19:52</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney is so tight-assed white he's even tighter-assed-whiter than Richard Pryor's tight-assed white guy impression.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161897651720290304">19:46</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Man marries dead girlfriend. I give it 3 weeks before she says "you seem so distant."</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161889519786917889">19:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Tim Thomas didn't show - but I did! <a href="http://t.co/CXeGxqKU">http://t.co/CXeGxqKU</a></li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Jan 23</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161567155161284609">21:53</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;That's three more tweets than she has twats.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161566677711073281">21:51</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Discovery Channel? Twat Wars.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161566251594956800">21:49</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Dos Vaginos. Univision version</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161565632494698496">21:47</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Two Vaginas. Sounds like a CBS sitcom.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161565301622849536">21:45</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;If I had two vaginas - I'd probably want three. I'm never fucking satisfied.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161565079786098688">21:44</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;British woman has two vaginas. Bet her pants fit like a mitten.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Jan 20</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/160430139371569152">18:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Where I come from we call that being a "giant pussy".</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/160428444650438656">18:28</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Cruise capt. says he "tripped and fell" into lifeboat. And "accidentally" rowed away.</li>
</ul>

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Jan 19</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/160130210119954432">22:43</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;It's actually a very courageous story. The mouse's journey started in a vat of Wendy's chili two blocks away.</li>
</ul>

Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Fri, May 18
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/203507091200151552:title=15:27]&nbsp;&nbsp;Van Halen cancels tour. So, if you want to see David Lee Roth act like an asshole, you have to go to Starbucks.

*Thu, May 17
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/203201671143231488:title=19:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;New google search tool thinks more like a human. Thinks about finding free porn 24/7.

*Tue, May 15
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/202497139299983360:title=20:34]&nbsp;&nbsp;Study says women check their reflections 8 x a day. Number goes down to 3 if you don't count the Kardashians.

*Mon, May 14
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201827969063325696:title=00:15]&nbsp;&nbsp;Happy Mothers Day! Or Happy Two Moms Day. Whichever one applies.

*Sat, May 12
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201408992684163072:title=20:30]&nbsp;&nbsp;Bristol Palin is against gay marriage. Thinks kids should be raised by teenaged mom &amp; hockey player who skips town to fuck a waitress.

*Fri, May 11
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201070969794727936:title=22:07]&nbsp;&nbsp;I thought attachment parenting was when my mom hit me in the head w the 8 inch long metal serving spoon attached to her hand.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201070721663901696:title=22:06]&nbsp;&nbsp;Personally I wasn't offended. I just couldn't believe Time magazine still existed.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201070204032262144:title=22:04]&nbsp;&nbsp;67% of women offended by Time magazine breastfeeding cover of mom &amp; her 4 yr old son. 98% of men wish they WERE the son.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201022503831879681:title=18:54]&nbsp;&nbsp;Mitt Romney was a prep school bully. Which means he'd stuff you into a locker if you wore white pants after labor day.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/200948811223404545:title=14:01]&nbsp;&nbsp;Only thing funnier than Merril Hoge's tie in this photo is TO on Dr Phil cause he lost 80 mil. http://t.co/fa5xRjid

*Thu, May 10
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/200658393084608513:title=18:47]&nbsp;&nbsp;Court says viewing child porn on internet not a crime in NY. Plus you're entitled to a jury of 12 Sanduskys.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/200592445417865218:title=14:25]&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney believes marriage should be between a rich white man and his massive inherited trust fund.

*Wed, May 09
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/200326756513746944:title=20:49]&nbsp;&nbsp;New American toilet seat supports up to 1200 pound human being. But you have to change the shocks every 6 months http://t.co/2ggayQzN
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/200276166039445504:title=17:28]&nbsp;&nbsp;"Racism isn't born, folks. It's taught. I have a 2 yr old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list." - Me, 1992. True now as it was then.

*Tue, May 08
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/199895846567948289:title=16:17]&nbsp;&nbsp;50% of Americans support gay marriage. Other 50% is divorced.

*Sat, May 05
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/198824079342583809:title=17:18]&nbsp;&nbsp;Best Backstage Pass So Far This Year: http://t.co/KTbyqk66
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/198780217320423425:title=14:24]&nbsp;&nbsp;My mom's idea of a tanning bed was making us stand in front of an open refrigerator door until we turned bright red. Which took about 4 mins

*Fri, May 04
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/198218890533289984:title=01:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;It's a TV Academy Honors Award. Looks more like a Golden Globe on steroids. http://t.co/8Pz1sKTN
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/198218789559615488:title=01:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;Dear @[http://twitter.com/realmikefox:title=realmikefox] : finally won me an Emmy. http://t.co/sFPZ91Ss
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/198209947064991744:title=00:38]&nbsp;&nbsp;Little movie I have coming out this summer... http://t.co/ctFu49RN

*Wed, May 02
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/197748591203328000:title=18:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;My dog Gomer wants to change his name to Metta World Ballsack Licker.

*Sun, Apr 29
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/196739018757640192:title=23:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;BURN wins Audience Award at Tribeca Film Fest!!!! Thanks to everyone who voted! http://t.co/URAWiuRN

*Thu, Apr 26
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/195615374199357440:title=20:48]&nbsp;&nbsp;Friday. 715p. Me. Somerville Theater. BURN fire documentary. Screening and Q&amp;A. Help us support our heroes. TICKETS: http://t.co/rgsMexC5

*Wed, Apr 25
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/195266163108876288:title=21:40]&nbsp;&nbsp;NFL. National Firefighters League. Director Tom Putnam and I talking BURN with your host @[http://twitter.com/richeisen:title=richeisen]. http://t.co/jvym5pih @[http://twitter.com/detroitfirefilm:title=detroitfirefilm]

*Tue, Apr 24
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/194836757945135104:title=17:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;Check out the trailer and learn more about BURN here: http://t.co/AY1xrKh7
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/194836652131233792:title=17:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm coming to Boston with BURN this Fri 4/27 for screening & Q&A at IFFB. No questions about Bobby Valentine. TICKETS: http://t.co/rgsMexC5

*Mon, Apr 23
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/194478833603313666:title=17:32]&nbsp;&nbsp;BURN sold out massively successful premiere at TriBeCa last night: http://t.co/c6Lrx58C
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/194426878826774528:title=14:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;He should change his name again: Metta World Peace Death Blow Elbow
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/194425521084440577:title=14:00]&nbsp;&nbsp;Gotta love Ron Artest, if only for this headline: Severe Punishment Expected For World Peace.

*Thu, Apr 19
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/193105673771429888:title=22:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;Head to @[http://twitter.com/Apostletvfilm:title=Apostletvfilm]'s FB page https://t.co/Rj7ldDAS to get tix to Sold Out [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23BURN:title=#BURN] premiere this Sun @[http://twitter.com/TribecaFilmFest:title=TribecaFilmFest] http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/193073485709443073:title=20:28]&nbsp;&nbsp;Mike Tyson's doing a one man show in Vegas. It's called Holy Shit Am I Broke.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/193040860324171776:title=18:18]&nbsp;&nbsp;Should've known Secret Service guys liked to party. Their code name for President Obama was Tebow.

*Wed, Apr 18
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192720544104329216:title=21:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;I wanna see Hologram Tupac tour with Hologram Biggie and then both get shot by the actual Suge Knight.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192719427597373441:title=21:01]&nbsp;&nbsp;With Dick Clark dead, Casey Kasem now reveling in his status as last and reigning king of leather faced syrup voiced lizard people.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192718328194793472:title=20:56]&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm gonna package a Dick Clark Hologram mc'ing a Tupac Hologram summer tour.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192716484890460161:title=20:49]&nbsp;&nbsp;Dick Clark dead. Okay so now I'm starting to get a little more concerned about all this 2012 Mayan shit

*Tue, Apr 17
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192345501981605890:title=20:15]&nbsp;&nbsp;Does Bobby Valentine owe Curt Schilling money? WTF?
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192319739245232129:title=18:32]&nbsp;&nbsp;Roger Clemens goes back on trial. Which means Brian McNamee needs to get the next 2 weeks off at Olive Garden.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192310236747530242:title=17:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;Professor Canseco on global warming: http://t.co/IKcGj62W

*Thu, Apr 12
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190550715721191426:title=21:23]&nbsp;&nbsp;Axl Rose wont be at his Rock Hall Of Fame induction tomorrow. He's busy. Getting honored by the Head Up Your Own Ass Museum.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190539740192313344:title=20:39]&nbsp;&nbsp;Ahh. The good old Big Red Gambling Machine. // "@[http://twitter.com/ProgScape:title=ProgScape] Marge Schott would nod her head in approval." http://t.co/qD5MfaJC &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/ProgScape/statuses/190472859066445825" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to ProgScape</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190522523526496256:title=19:31]&nbsp;&nbsp;Coming soon: Red Sox cologne. Insert fried chicken and beer joke at your leisure.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190521993102241793:title=19:29]&nbsp;&nbsp;Yankees have official cologne now. In case u ever wanted to smell like entitlement filtered through a gallon of Drakkar wrapped in Modell's.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190472720432119810:title=16:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;If Ozzie Guillen is as crazy as I think he is, he'll start rocking the Hitler moustache sometime this weekend.

*Wed, Apr 11
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190196637052833792:title=21:56]&nbsp;&nbsp;They asked me to sign inside The Green Monster. Next to Neil Diamond. Couldn't help it - had to add Lenny's name. http://t.co/1VXYi8s1
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190196374749450240:title=21:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;Memorial brick for my Dad unveiled at Fenway. He'd be shitting one right now if he could see this. http://t.co/EyKKrukH
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190123795116335104:title=17:06]&nbsp;&nbsp;Hot Pockets $4.79- new @[http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan:title=JimGaffigan] special "Mr Universe" 5 bucks. CIA plot or clever marketing ploy? I'm going w ploy: http://t.co/h2FEDEEk

*Tue, Apr 10
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/189814235545616385:title=20:36]&nbsp;&nbsp;Porn sites account for 30% of internet traffic. Shocking. My average is around 97.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/189783381993721856:title=18:34]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/RedSox:title=RedSox]: Actor & comedian @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] visits the Green Monster wall. Segment to air on CBS "This Morning" on 4/20 http://t.co/cyM4HwIH
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/189749630089703424:title=16:20]&nbsp;&nbsp;Here's the thing about Fidel Castro - he still has a better fastball than half of the Red Sox bullpen.

*Mon, Apr 09
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/189398174924931072:title=17:03]&nbsp;&nbsp;Peanut Butter and Jelly Vodka. This is just going to make things too easy for priests now.

*Sat, Apr 07
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/188671459093258240:title=16:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;Easter Info: Jesus saves, Espo scores on the rebound. http://t.co/Kbe7Sr5K
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/188423318343397376:title=00:29]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23FollowFriday:title=#FollowFriday] “@[http://twitter.com/KenRogerson:title=KenRogerson]: German Nobal laureate calls Israel a threat to world peace. Well, SOMEONE has a short memory.”

*Fri, Apr 06
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/188406406163083265:title=23:22]&nbsp;&nbsp;If Keith Olbermann is a 10 million dollar chandelier then Bob Costas is the lobby of the Paris Four Seasons.

*Thu, Apr 05
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187974228463726593:title=18:45]&nbsp;&nbsp;Ryan Gosling just saved my life. Called my agent and turned down Dumbo Drop 2.

*Wed, Apr 04
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187598420431736833:title=17:52]&nbsp;&nbsp;I had no idea @[http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan:title=JimGaffigan] has such a global reach. Fuckin hot pockets. Who knew? http://t.co/rmsjjxHR
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187547246928199682:title=14:28]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman:title=SarahKSilverman] @[http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman:title=sarahksilverman] @[http://twitter.com/massholesports:title=massholesports] wicked wicked pissa awesome. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman/statuses/187330929050660864" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to SarahKSilverman</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187547176124170242:title=14:28]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman:title=SarahKSilverman]: Hahaha that's wicked awesome RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] C'mon @[http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman:title=sarahksilverman] . Make @[http://twitter.com/massholesports:title=massholesports] day. http://t.co/Tw3hHwgU
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187547047006715904:title=14:27]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/_stacii:title=_stacii] you deserve full credit. chicken / egg. can't have one w out the other. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/_stacii/statuses/186952930358853632" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to _stacii</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187546971131752450:title=14:27]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/_stacii:title=_stacii]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] THIS IS ME! I wish I only got two minutes for hooking!

*Tue, Apr 03
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187316014906744832:title=23:09]&nbsp;&nbsp;Another Reason FF's Kick Ass: http://t.co/EtDxTkla
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187241581768749057:title=18:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/MassholeSports:title=MassholeSports] forget jumping off bridges - unless it's Jeff Bridges's head - just make more funny signs. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/MassholeSports/statuses/187220222409850881" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to MassholeSports</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187210127697379328:title=16:09]&nbsp;&nbsp;C'mon @[http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman:title=sarahksilverman] . Make @[http://twitter.com/massholesports:title=massholesports] day. http://t.co/IKH8z3hV

*Mon, Apr 02
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186960114157232128:title=23:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;Only way he could have a better hockey name is if its as Shattenfuck. Or Shotthatkills.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186959875417452545:title=23:34]&nbsp;&nbsp;Barry Melrose NHL defenseman of week Kevin Shattenkirk. http://t.co/sY1AqnGe
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186938190270181376:title=22:08]&nbsp;&nbsp;And hey, the real sign is pretty great too: http://t.co/SWdEWAqK
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186937962590773248:title=22:07]&nbsp;&nbsp;Why I looooove photoshop - best hockey sign ever, even if it is fake. http://t.co/Vbvqu6F4
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186629941889208320:title=01:43]&nbsp;&nbsp;Rascal Flatts was discovered on Ed McMahon’s “Star Search.” Proving once again that alcoholics don’t care who they hurt. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23ACMs:title=#ACMs]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186622486337695745:title=01:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;Nominated for song of the year: “You & Tequila.” Wait a minute. None of these shitkickers thought of that title till this year? [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast]

*Fri, Mar 30
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185866934162685952:title=23:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;As if Kate Winslet needed to be even sexier. Her great book supporting autism awareness: http://t.co/3GtNQGVc // http://t.co/PTeRTMyi
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185836438972145665:title=21:10]&nbsp;&nbsp;ACM awards- they should call it The Big Hair, Bigger Hats Show. It's also April Fools. What better time to have a @[http://twitter.com/tweetroast:title=tweetroast] ? [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185836170410852353:title=21:09]&nbsp;&nbsp;Sunday is The Academy Of Country Music Awards. Yeah - I didn't know what the fuck they were either.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185800767616192514:title=18:48]&nbsp;&nbsp;Academy Of Country Music Awards. Sunday 4/1. Better yet: @[http://twitter.com/tweetroast:title=tweetroast] of ACM's. Same time. Laugh. Sing. Puke. http://t.co/zyAYvEea [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23ACMs:title=#ACMs]

*Thu, Mar 29
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185410610102681601:title=16:58]&nbsp;&nbsp;When friends come visit me in NY I like to meet them at the corner of Cock and Balls: http://t.co/3DhySgEc

*Wed, Mar 28
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185082031548530688:title=19:12]&nbsp;&nbsp;Red Sox sign him to a 1 yr contract. Apparently he only blows .198 against lefties.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185081796759785472:title=19:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;Drunk guy in Brockton, MA blows a .384 on the Breathalyzer. Breaking Daryl Strawberry's career high of .356
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185081459508396032:title=19:10]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/colinhealy79:title=colinhealy79]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] I'm same age as Jesus. Have I cured a leper? No. Have I raised someone from the dead? No. Have I washed a ...
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/184986924421890048:title=12:54]&nbsp;&nbsp;Study says 33 is the happiest age. Really? Anyone ask Jesus?

*Mon, Mar 26
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/184369848678236160:title=20:02]&nbsp;&nbsp;Hockey Nickname Of The Month: Nose Face Killah. http://t.co/QlgF5cfh

*Thu, Mar 22
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182909650985947136:title=19:20]&nbsp;&nbsp;Sometimes Michael J. Fox likes to cuddle. @[http://twitter.com/realmikefox:title=realmikefox] http://t.co/vCIos0VB
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182891815215693824:title=18:09]&nbsp;&nbsp;I wanna thank The Daily Bugle for framing me in a flattering way for this interview- my nose almost fits in the shot. http://t.co/UDZOBaOO

*Wed, Mar 21
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182577771317428224:title=21:21]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/Wbrain70:title=Wbrain70]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] how long in NY before Tebow's eye black reads "Matt. 27:46" (my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?)
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182558041126871041:title=20:03]&nbsp;&nbsp;Elway's daughter said she wouldn't marry Tim Tebow even if he actually WAS Jesus.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182540425628889089:title=18:53]&nbsp;&nbsp;Tebow traded to Jets for fourth round pick. The deal was worked out by his new agent, Judas.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182531381828665344:title=18:17]&nbsp;&nbsp;Peyton cant practice w the team until April 15th. And he's not allowed to have his first concussion until the second week in May.

*Tue, Mar 20
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182235859049918464:title=22:43]&nbsp;&nbsp;Fuck! They're BOTH my fault. Math sucks.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182235703030190080:title=22:42]&nbsp;&nbsp;Although I could be blamed for diminishing supply of whiskey. Which would of course raise the price. And I drive giant gas-guzzling trucks.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182235457269153794:title=22:41]&nbsp;&nbsp;Obama's to blame for the price of gas like I'm to blame for the price of whiskey.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182228379800571904:title=22:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;At this point the only reason to fight Milan Lucic is if you want your nose located INSIDE your face. http://t.co/yjYCcuNr
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182183122677411841:title=19:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;Satan Manning signs with Denver. Or at least that's what Tim Tebow told me in prayer circle this morning.

*Mon, Mar 19
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/181763697142800384:title=15:26]&nbsp;&nbsp;Already voting for 2013 Oscars: Best Pic: Goon. Actor: Sean William Scott. Supporting: Liev Schreiber. http://t.co/CsQDoFpg

*Sat, Mar 17
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/180814581478850560:title=00:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;Have to have big balls to wear a fur coat. And his are big. Like dog ball big. Saint Bernard Big.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/180814374519320576:title=00:34]&nbsp;&nbsp;This is what Lenny wears when we have to appear in front of 33,000 people at Fenway Park. http://t.co/QRwqUdU1
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/180808234343473152:title=00:10]&nbsp;&nbsp;My favorite show on TV right now is Scott Caan's hair. http://t.co/NQbA3icf

*Wed, Mar 14
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/179941274646884353:title=14:45]&nbsp;&nbsp;So - just to summarize - the only form of birth control still approved by the Catholic Church is jerking off an altar boy.

*Sun, Mar 11
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178985034752069632:title=23:25]&nbsp;&nbsp;Or women's rights. Or black quarterbacks. We already know.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178984895513767936:title=23:24]&nbsp;&nbsp;The pope reminding us he hates gay marriage is like Rush Limbaugh reminding us he hates salads.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178984540319125504:title=23:23]&nbsp;&nbsp;The Pope wants to remind us he is against gay marriage. And wearing any shoe other than Prada.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178904876074532864:title=18:07]&nbsp;&nbsp;Also gives the lamp someone to talk to.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178904702531010561:title=18:06]&nbsp;&nbsp;LSD cures alcoholics. At least for the 13 hours they spend staring at their hands.

*Fri, Mar 09
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178203350083444736:title=19:39]&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay - its not a taco shell made out of Doritos. It's just one giant fucking Dorito. That you could put more Doritos in.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178188801682841602:title=18:41]&nbsp;&nbsp;HULK HOGAN SEX TAPE SPOILER ALERT: At 10:54, he brings out the folding chair....
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178187742201651200:title=18:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/thislspete:title=thislspete]: What about that devastating leg drop? ?"@[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary]: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape."
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178171161430081537:title=17:31]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/regardingkevin:title=regardingkevin]: Five: Andre The Giant Sex Tape. RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary]: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177917723924373504:title=00:44]&nbsp;&nbsp;Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.

*Thu, Mar 08
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177865129524858881:title=21:15]&nbsp;&nbsp;There are over 1000 new hate groups in the US. 847 of them involve A-Rod.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177831600342568961:title=19:02]&nbsp;&nbsp;FUCK THIS ASSHOLE. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23STOPKONY:title=#STOPKONY] http://t.co/oaURj7Or
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177547025624215552:title=00:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;Tommy Gavin & crew fight fires forever in the hallowed halls of the @[http://twitter.com/smithsonian:title=smithsonian] in DC. http://t.co/KVaCfhhe

*Wed, Mar 07
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177538478479912960:title=23:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;Me and my writing partner Peter Tolan! Two punks from the workin' classes of Massachusetts. MASSHOLES! http://t.co/V8O5YC50
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177538085574295552:title=23:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;In case you missed it: Rescue Me was inducted into the Smithsonian, bitch! http://t.co/Rr2ises7
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177446969164308480:title=17:33]&nbsp;&nbsp;We recently lost a grant, so are hustling to be ready for festival. It's not too late to get involved! Donate now! http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177446330552160256:title=17:31]&nbsp;&nbsp;Detroit Fire doc BURN has been accepted to premiere at @[http://twitter.com/TribecaFilmFest:title=TribecaFilmFest] ! Here's the trailer: http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177424712551501824:title=16:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;These guys are personal friends of mine and it's a great night for a great cause: http://t.co/xEMGUEbX

*Tue, Mar 06
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177165465511149568:title=22:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;Her hair looks like she found it in the freezer. http://t.co/uWjGIvyb
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177165223197806592:title=22:54]&nbsp;&nbsp;I get the feeling Jan Brewer calls every Spanish guy in Arizona Carlos.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176865348488929281:title=03:02]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy:title=chrisdcomedy]: My apologies Sister Joan, 1998. RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary]: Where I come from you win the paper airplane contest when you hit the ...

*Mon, Mar 05
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176800650410213376:title=22:45]&nbsp;&nbsp;Right after this photo was taken Holly ate my iPhone. She don't like no papparazzi. http://t.co/WdRLhdKo
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176775927194324994:title=21:07]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/spooncwru:title=spooncwru]: Based on the size, I'd say his ability to perform in the clutch. RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His ...
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176767306435805184:title=20:33]&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe its a flute - he's gonna pull it out all of a sudden and go Jethro Tull. http://t.co/YOtdymfX
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176766332837179392:title=20:29]&nbsp;&nbsp;He's got some serious Urkel type shit goin on. http://t.co/OeVEbVII
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176740360284934144:title=18:46]&nbsp;&nbsp;What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His balls? http://t.co/7g2OVhUE

*Sat, Mar 03
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176068196565123073:title=22:15]&nbsp;&nbsp;Rush Limbaugh charges 17 bucks for a Rush Limbaugh coffee mug. Who's the real whore here? http://t.co/vpcYVAyk
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176067321952083968:title=22:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;Rush Limbaugh calls a female grad student a slut. Sounds like somebody wouldn't share their Oxycontin.

*Fri, Mar 02
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/175687644150374400:title=21:02]&nbsp;&nbsp;Amazing. Autism awareness for first responders: Bill Cannata @[http://twitter.com/fireautism:title=fireautism] on Today show: http://t.co/i3t8ecRM His site: http://t.co/gO565cnM
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/175624119742758912:title=16:50]&nbsp;&nbsp;Newt won 6.5% of the Michigan vote. Wow. Gates Brown coulda picked up 9% with one phone call. http://t.co/gqX7dqwp

*Thu, Mar 01
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/175351539894992896:title=22:47]&nbsp;&nbsp;Where I come from you win the paper airplane contest when you hit the math nun in the eye.

*Wed, Feb 29
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/174976029872496640:title=21:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;I believe in a seperation of Rick Santorum and the constitution.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/174890180656902144:title=16:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;Bobby Valentine says no more booze in Red Sox clubhouse. Bright side: at least security won't have to worry about Sean Young showing up.

*Tue, Feb 28
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/174620471306883072:title=22:22]&nbsp;&nbsp;Santorum nightmare: I'm a pro-choice college-educated lapsed Catholic & tho I ain't Satan I'm pretty sure him & me r 2nd cousins.

*Mon, Feb 27
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173963246255091713:title=02:50]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] Oscar Fact: more people will see this tweet than ever saw Tree Of Life.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173953867057348608:title=02:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173951316706607105:title=02:03]&nbsp;&nbsp;Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast]

*Sun, Feb 26
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173907802367074304:title=23:10]&nbsp;&nbsp;Spielberg. Scorcese. @[http://twitter.com/OpieRadio:title=OpieRadio] . @[http://twitter.com/AnthonyCumia:title=AnthonyCumia] . Together. One night only. Tonight 7p EST. http://t.co/zyAYvEea @[http://twitter.com/tweet_roast:title=tweet_roast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast]

*Sat, Feb 25
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173535433798594562:title=22:30]&nbsp;&nbsp;Streep. Clooney. Pitt. @[http://twitter.com/JimNorton:title=JimNorton] . Where can u see all 4 names on same marquee? Only here: http://t.co/zyAYvEea @[http://twitter.com/tweet_roast:title=tweet_roast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173234280049287168:title=02:34]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/DrewOlsonMKE:title=DrewOlsonMKE]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] Braun's mom is a marathoner. Nick couldn't have caught her.

*Fri, Feb 24
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173168835501899776:title=22:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;Braun's from Mission Hills, CA. Think I remember doing a gig with @[http://twitter.com/NickDiPaolo:title=NickDiPaolo] there back '83. Hmmm....
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173168284772999168:title=22:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;Ryan Braun is guilty. Of looking like @[http://twitter.com/NickDiPaolo:title=NickDiPaolo] 's son. http://t.co/3h2uk4kH
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173165444847509504:title=22:00]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/Likeitorlumpit:title=Likeitorlumpit]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] sounds like a great way to keep from lapsing into a coma during the [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23Oscars:title=#Oscars]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173145960539627520:title=20:43]&nbsp;&nbsp;EVEN MORE [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] Roasters: @[http://twitter.com/louiskatz:title=louiskatz] @[http://twitter.com/GregFitzShow:title=GregFitzShow] @[http://twitter.com/adamferrara:title=adamferrara] http://t.co/zyAYvEea
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173145677197606914:title=20:42]&nbsp;&nbsp;MORE [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] Roasters: @[http://twitter.com/WendyLiebman:title=WendyLiebman] @[http://twitter.com/annielederman:title=annielederman] @[http://twitter.com/RichVos:title=RichVos] @[http://twitter.com/laughspincom:title=laughspincom] @[http://twitter.com/thelaughbutton:title=thelaughbutton] http://t.co/zyAYvEea
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173145049733926913:title=20:39]&nbsp;&nbsp;More [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] Roasters: @[http://twitter.com/OpieRadio:title=OpieRadio] @[http://twitter.com/AnthonyCumia:title=AnthonyCumia] @[http://twitter.com/bonniemcfarlane:title=bonniemcfarlane] @[http://twitter.com/Fred_Stoller:title=Fred_Stoller] @[http://twitter.com/PeteDominick:title=PeteDominick] http://t.co/zyAYvEea
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173144873225031680:title=20:38]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] Roasters: @[http://twitter.com/JoeDeRosaComedy:title=JoeDeRosaComedy] @[http://twitter.com/jonathan_katz:title=jonathan_katz] @[http://twitter.com/JimNorton:title=JimNorton] @[http://twitter.com/RobertKelly:title=RobertKelly] @[http://twitter.com/AlanZweibel:title=AlanZweibel] @[http://twitter.com/morgan_murphy:title=morgan_murphy] http://t.co/zyAYvEea
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173144482668216321:title=20:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] Sunday. 7p EST. Seriously. Are the assholes yer watching the [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] w gonna be funnier than these guys - here comes the list:
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173142806917939200:title=20:30]&nbsp;&nbsp;1st Ever TWEETROAST! Sun night laugh yer ass off during the Oscars. http://t.co/zyAYvEea Follow @[http://twitter.com/tweet_roast:title=tweet_roast] and use [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] to join in

*Thu, Feb 23
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/172786601578070018:title=20:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;I watched the debate and I think I found Satan. He's head of programming at CNN.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/172753221209702400:title=18:42]&nbsp;&nbsp;The Liza Colby Sound: easy on the eyes and ears. Get the album on iTunes: http://t.co/deVRpYmZ http://t.co/xmq3bppd
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/172752962307891200:title=18:41]&nbsp;&nbsp;Check out my supersexytalented band member Liza Colby & her band The Liza Colby Sound- Sun 2/26 at Bowery Electric & Weds 2/29 at Lit NYC.

*Wed, Feb 22
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/172368271193018369:title=17:12]&nbsp;&nbsp;A gay republican sheriff in AZ? With an illegal alien BF? If this doesnt make Jan Brewer's head explode- nothing will. http://t.co/fKxWLPev

*Tue, Feb 21
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/171999412661391361:title=16:47]&nbsp;&nbsp;This is Holly. She's a Joe Pesci Terrier. Stab u in the neck w a pen over pizza crusts. http://t.co/uQdXHF5e

*Fri, Feb 17
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/170639404963082240:title=22:42]&nbsp;&nbsp;YEAH! This is the actual tee shirt: RT // "@[http://twitter.com/sisgear:title=sisgear]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] http://t.co/tjXLpfpQ”
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/170597508957999104:title=19:56]&nbsp;&nbsp;T-shirt a friend saw: WHAT DO WE WANT? A CURE FOR TOURETTE'S! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? CUNT!

*Wed, Feb 15
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/169868187297513472:title=19:38]&nbsp;&nbsp;Still time to help the cause. Get involved: http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/169868023904219136:title=19:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;BURN doc about Detroit FD is hands down best ever portrayal of the job I have ever seen. Speaks to needs & problems of every FD in the USA.

*Mon, Feb 13
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/169148040588955649:title=19:56]&nbsp;&nbsp;When is the memorial tribute for Brian Wilson?

*Fri, Feb 10
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/168074077528010752:title=20:49]&nbsp;&nbsp;Oil Can's best pitch was a fastball cut w baby laxative.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/168073707489726464:title=20:47]&nbsp;&nbsp;Today's Red Sox pitchers only use beer & buckets of fried chicken. We've come so far...
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/168071473813131264:title=20:38]&nbsp;&nbsp;Oil Can Boyd admits pitching on blow. Which is why his games only lasted about 87 minutes.

*Wed, Feb 08
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/167292887590109185:title=17:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay - so maybe they cant type or scream so i will: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU GOTTA FUCKIN BE SHITTIN ME!!! Make a difference: http://t.co/eW5kTEhV
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/167292788285775873:title=17:04]&nbsp;&nbsp;9/11 first responders covered for carpal tunnel syndrome & laryngitis but not cancer?
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/167285779947724800:title=16:36]&nbsp;&nbsp;Elenn Degeneres-hating anti-gay group OneMillionMoms.com only has 40,000 members. Which proves that bigots are really bad at math.

*Tue, Feb 07
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166908415669575680:title=15:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/xJONEZx:title=xJONEZx] pink. Hairy. Huge. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx/statuses/166907793033539584" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to xJONEZx</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166907339524411392:title=15:33]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/xJONEZx:title=xJONEZx] why because of me? &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx/statuses/166906746605019137" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to xJONEZx</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166905657646256128:title=15:26]&nbsp;&nbsp;New Spiderman trailer. Fuckin Dafoe kicks ass! http://t.co/mRWiHEL4

*Mon, Feb 06
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166630020125696000:title=21:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;If it's even fucking possible Giselle Fucking Bundchen just got even fucking hotter in my fucking book.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166536938545881090:title=15:01]&nbsp;&nbsp;Ce Lo Green got closer to Eli Manning the second half than the Pats DL.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166536495707078656:title=14:59]&nbsp;&nbsp;Sick about the Super Bowl. Not cause the Patriots lost. I think Madonna upset my equilibrium.

*Sat, Feb 04
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165627224383434752:title=02:46]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/S_Mart_Shopper:title=S_Mart_Shopper]: [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionFrigidCunts:title=#OneMillionFrigidCunts] RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] Help me come up with some other new names. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionWhat?.com:title=#OneMillionWhat?.com]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165627027926429696:title=02:45]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/evilmomthoughts:title=evilmomthoughts]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers:title=#onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165626868102463488:title=02:44]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/Gregootz:title=Gregootz]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] onemillionintolerantclosedmindedbitches ...too long?
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165589766056849408:title=00:17]&nbsp;&nbsp;My Super Bowl Prediction: Madonna sucks.

*Fri, Feb 03
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165583821968908289:title=23:53]&nbsp;&nbsp;Mickey D's also will use less toxic anti-freeze in sauces. Look at the bright side: during cold snap u can puke right into yr engine block.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165583481341091841:title=23:52]&nbsp;&nbsp;McDonalds agrees to stop using 'pink slime' in burgers. Don't panic! McMuffins will still be made with hog anus.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165562701312032769:title=22:29]&nbsp;&nbsp;Help me come up with some other new names. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionWhat?.com:title=#OneMillionWhat?.com]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165554777604886528:title=21:58]&nbsp;&nbsp;http://t.co/ArEy8StT wants JC Penney to fire Ellen Degeneres because she's gay. Better name? http://t.co/HJ83V7Oy
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165474143263916033:title=16:38]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/RobBaral:title=RobBaral] love to but cant - i have to help gingrich colonize mars
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165435852955201536:title=14:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney's not concerned about the poor. Unless one of them misses a spot while trimming his hedges.

*Thu, Feb 02
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165185424300584961:title=21:30]&nbsp;&nbsp;17 days til Red Sox pitchers & catchers report to camp. KFC & Bud Lite arrive morning of. http://t.co/Z3W8uChi
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165137906338500610:title=18:21]&nbsp;&nbsp;Tebow is in town for the Super Bowl. Man, is he not gonna get laid.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165107267157491712:title=16:20]&nbsp;&nbsp;Vince Wilfork's name should be Vince Wilfork-Knifeandspoon.

*Wed, Feb 01
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164801590824402945:title=20:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;When is Peyton Manning gonna get the surgery to have Jim Irsay removed from his back?
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164764076621303809:title=17:36]&nbsp;&nbsp;Call me when Blake Griffin slam dunks a Kia.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164725075772325889:title=15:01]&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay, now that Al Green is taken care of, would it kill Obama to bust out a few bars of "The Asshole Song?"

*Tue, Jan 31
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164431741497524225:title=19:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;16 grand for a Super Bowl ticket? I'll pay 20 grand if it means Madonna doesn't sing.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164411292013182977:title=18:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;I don't see resemblance: my nose is bigger. So is my forehead. And my chin. Fuck! This guy is wayyy better looking than me. Now I hate him.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164410750293655552:title=18:12]&nbsp;&nbsp;Add this guy to the Dafoe / Ellen Degeneres / People Who Denis Looks Like pile. http://t.co/Bw2JDKN5

*Fri, Jan 27
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/162900049150476288:title=14:09]&nbsp;&nbsp;Mitt believes in self-deportation. Which is how his money got to the Cayman Islands.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/162897802962272256:title=14:00]&nbsp;&nbsp;Newt wants to colonize the moon. Mostly because zero gravity might remove three of his chins.

*Tue, Jan 24
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161913647327739905:title=20:49]&nbsp;&nbsp;Starbucks adding beer and wine at more stores. April 1st they open in the Red Sox clubhouse.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161899108100096000:title=19:52]&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney is so tight-assed white he's even tighter-assed-whiter than Richard Pryor's tight-assed white guy impression.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161897651720290304:title=19:46]&nbsp;&nbsp;Man marries dead girlfriend. I give it 3 weeks before she says "you seem so distant."
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161889519786917889:title=19:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;Tim Thomas didn't show - but I did! http://t.co/CXeGxqKU

*Mon, Jan 23
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161567155161284609:title=21:53]&nbsp;&nbsp;That's three more tweets than she has twats.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161566677711073281:title=21:51]&nbsp;&nbsp;Discovery Channel? Twat Wars.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161566251594956800:title=21:49]&nbsp;&nbsp;Dos Vaginos. Univision version
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161565632494698496:title=21:47]&nbsp;&nbsp;Two Vaginas. Sounds like a CBS sitcom.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161565301622849536:title=21:45]&nbsp;&nbsp;If I had two vaginas - I'd probably want three. I'm never fucking satisfied.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161565079786098688:title=21:44]&nbsp;&nbsp;British woman has two vaginas. Bet her pants fit like a mitten.

*Fri, Jan 20
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/160430139371569152:title=18:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;Where I come from we call that being a "giant pussy".
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/160428444650438656:title=18:28]&nbsp;&nbsp;Cruise capt. says he "tripped and fell" into lifeboat. And "accidentally" rowed away.

*Thu, Jan 19
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/160130210119954432:title=22:43]&nbsp;&nbsp;It's actually a very courageous story. The mouse's journey started in a vat of Wendy's chili two blocks away.

Powered by [http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary:title=twtr2src]

Fri, May 18 
15:27 Van Halen cancels tour. So, if you want to see David Lee Roth act like an asshole, you have to go to Starbucks.

Thu, May 17 
19:13 New google search tool thinks more like a human.  Thinks about finding free porn 24/7.

Tue, May 15 
20:34 Study says women check their reflections 8 x a day.  Number goes down to 3 if you don't count the Kardashians.

Mon, May 14 
00:15 Happy Mothers Day!  Or Happy Two Moms Day. Whichever one applies.

Sat, May 12 
20:30 Bristol Palin is against gay marriage. Thinks kids should be raised by teenaged mom &amp; hockey player who skips town to fuck a waitress.

Fri, May 11 
22:07 I thought attachment parenting was when my mom hit me in the head w the 8 inch long metal serving spoon attached to her hand.
22:06 Personally I wasn't offended.  I just couldn't believe Time magazine still existed.
22:04 67% of women offended by Time magazine breastfeeding cover of mom &amp; her 4 yr old son. 98% of men wish they WERE the son.
18:54 Mitt Romney was a prep school bully. Which means he'd stuff you into a locker if you wore white pants after labor day.
14:01 Only thing funnier than Merril Hoge's tie in this photo is TO on Dr Phil cause he lost 80 mil. http://t.co/fa5xRjid

Thu, May 10 
18:47 Court says viewing child porn on internet not a crime in NY.  Plus you're entitled to a jury of 12 Sanduskys.
14:25 Romney believes marriage should be between a rich white man and his massive inherited trust fund.

Wed, May 09 
20:49 New American toilet seat supports up to 1200 pound human being.  But you have to change the shocks every 6 months http://t.co/2ggayQzN
17:28 "Racism isn't born, folks. It's taught. I have a 2 yr old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list." - Me, 1992. True now as it was then.

Tue, May 08 
16:17 50% of Americans support gay marriage.  Other 50% is divorced.

Sat, May 05 
17:18 Best Backstage Pass So Far This Year: http://t.co/KTbyqk66
14:24 My mom's idea of a tanning bed was making us stand in front of an open refrigerator door until we turned bright red. Which took about 4 mins

Fri, May 04 
01:14 It's a TV Academy Honors Award.  Looks more like a Golden Globe on steroids. http://t.co/8Pz1sKTN
01:13 Dear @realmikefox : finally won me an Emmy. http://t.co/sFPZ91Ss
00:38 Little movie I have coming out this summer... http://t.co/ctFu49RN

Wed, May 02 
18:05 My dog Gomer wants to change his name to Metta World Ballsack Licker.

Sun, Apr 29 
23:13 BURN wins Audience Award at Tribeca Film Fest!!!!  Thanks to everyone who voted!
http://t.co/URAWiuRN

Thu, Apr 26 
20:48 Friday. 715p. Me. Somerville Theater. BURN fire documentary. Screening and Q&amp;A. Help us support our heroes. TICKETS: http://t.co/rgsMexC5

Wed, Apr 25 
21:40 NFL. National Firefighters League. Director Tom Putnam and I talking BURN with your host @richeisen. http://t.co/jvym5pih @detroitfirefilm

Tue, Apr 24 
17:14 Check out the trailer and learn more about BURN here: http://t.co/AY1xrKh7
17:14 I'm coming to Boston with BURN this Fri 4/27 for screening & Q&A at IFFB. No questions about Bobby Valentine. TICKETS: 
http://t.co/rgsMexC5

Mon, Apr 23 
17:32 BURN sold out massively successful premiere at TriBeCa last night: http://t.co/c6Lrx58C
14:05 He should change his name again:  Metta World Peace Death Blow Elbow
14:00 Gotta love Ron Artest, if only for this headline:  Severe Punishment Expected For World Peace.

Thu, Apr 19 
22:35 Head to @Apostletvfilm's FB page https://t.co/Rj7ldDAS to get tix to Sold Out #BURN premiere this Sun @TribecaFilmFest  http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
20:28 Mike Tyson's doing a one man show in Vegas.  It's called Holy Shit Am I Broke.
18:18 Should've known Secret Service guys liked to party.  Their code name for President Obama was Tebow.

Wed, Apr 18 
21:05 I wanna see Hologram Tupac tour with Hologram Biggie and then both get shot by the actual Suge Knight.
21:01 With Dick Clark dead, Casey Kasem now reveling in his status as last and
reigning king of leather faced syrup voiced lizard people.
20:56 I'm gonna package a Dick Clark Hologram mc'ing a Tupac Hologram summer tour.
20:49 Dick Clark dead. Okay so now I'm starting to get a little more
concerned about all this 2012 Mayan shit

Tue, Apr 17 
20:15 Does Bobby Valentine owe Curt Schilling money?  WTF?
18:32 Roger Clemens goes back on trial.  Which means Brian McNamee needs to get the next 2 weeks off at Olive Garden.
17:55 Professor Canseco on global warming: http://t.co/IKcGj62W

Thu, Apr 12 
21:23 Axl Rose wont be at his Rock Hall Of Fame induction tomorrow.  He's busy.  Getting honored by the Head Up Your Own Ass Museum.
20:39 Ahh.  The good old Big Red Gambling Machine. // "@ProgScape Marge Schott would nod her head in approval." http://t.co/qD5MfaJC  [in reply to ProgScape]
19:31 Coming soon:  Red Sox cologne.  Insert fried chicken and beer joke at your leisure.
19:29 Yankees have official cologne now. In case u ever wanted to smell like entitlement filtered through a gallon of Drakkar wrapped in Modell's.
16:13 If Ozzie Guillen is as crazy as I think he is, he'll start rocking the Hitler moustache sometime this weekend.

Wed, Apr 11 
21:56 They asked me to sign inside The Green Monster. Next to Neil Diamond. Couldn't help it - had to add Lenny's name. http://t.co/1VXYi8s1
21:55 Memorial brick for my Dad unveiled at Fenway. He'd be shitting one right now if he could see this. http://t.co/EyKKrukH
17:06 Hot Pockets $4.79- new @JimGaffigan special "Mr Universe" 5 bucks. CIA plot or clever marketing ploy? I'm going w ploy: http://t.co/h2FEDEEk

Tue, Apr 10 
20:36 Porn sites account for 30% of internet traffic.  Shocking.  My average is around 97.
18:34 RT @RedSox: Actor & comedian @denisleary visits the Green Monster wall. Segment to air on CBS "This Morning" on 4/20 http://t.co/cyM4HwIH
16:20 Here's the thing about Fidel Castro - he still has a better fastball than half of the Red Sox bullpen.

Mon, Apr 09 
17:03 Peanut Butter and Jelly Vodka.  This is just going to make things too easy for priests now.

Sat, Apr 07 
16:55 Easter Info: Jesus saves, Espo scores on the rebound. http://t.co/Kbe7Sr5K
00:29 #FollowFriday “@KenRogerson: German Nobal laureate calls Israel a threat to world peace. Well, SOMEONE has a short memory.”

Fri, Apr 06 
23:22 If Keith Olbermann is a 10 million dollar chandelier then Bob Costas is the lobby of the Paris Four Seasons.

Thu, Apr 05 
18:45 Ryan Gosling just saved my life. Called my agent and turned down Dumbo Drop 2.

Wed, Apr 04 
17:52 I had no idea @JimGaffigan has such a global reach.  Fuckin hot pockets.  Who knew?
http://t.co/rmsjjxHR
14:28 @SarahKSilverman @sarahksilverman @massholesports wicked wicked pissa awesome.  [in reply to SarahKSilverman]
14:28 RT @SarahKSilverman: Hahaha that's wicked awesome RT @denisleary C'mon @sarahksilverman .  Make @massholesports day.  http://t.co/Tw3hHwgU
14:27 @_stacii you deserve full credit.  chicken / egg.  can't have one w out the other.  [in reply to _stacii]
14:27 RT @_stacii: @denisleary THIS IS ME! I wish I only got two minutes for hooking!

Tue, Apr 03 
23:09 Another Reason FF's Kick Ass: http://t.co/EtDxTkla
18:14 @MassholeSports forget jumping off bridges - unless it's Jeff Bridges's head - just make more funny signs.  [in reply to MassholeSports]
16:09 C'mon @sarahksilverman .  Make @massholesports day.  http://t.co/IKH8z3hV

Mon, Apr 02 
23:35 Only way he could have a better hockey name is if its as Shattenfuck. Or Shotthatkills.
23:34 Barry Melrose NHL defenseman of week Kevin Shattenkirk. http://t.co/sY1AqnGe
22:08 And hey, the real sign is pretty great too: http://t.co/SWdEWAqK
22:07 Why I looooove photoshop - best hockey sign ever, even if it is fake. http://t.co/Vbvqu6F4
01:43 Rascal Flatts was discovered on Ed McMahon’s “Star Search.” Proving once again that alcoholics don’t care who they hurt. #tweetroast #ACMs
01:14 Nominated for song of the year: “You & Tequila.” Wait a minute. None of these shitkickers thought of that title till this year? #tweetroast

Fri, Mar 30 
23:11 As if Kate Winslet needed to be even sexier.  Her great book supporting autism awareness: http://t.co/3GtNQGVc
 // http://t.co/PTeRTMyi
21:10 ACM awards- they should call it The Big Hair, Bigger Hats Show. It's also April Fools. What better time to have a @tweetroast ? #tweetroast
21:09 Sunday is The Academy Of Country Music Awards. Yeah - I didn't know what the fuck they were either.
18:48 Academy Of Country Music Awards. Sunday 4/1. Better yet: @tweetroast of ACM's. Same time. Laugh. Sing. Puke. http://t.co/zyAYvEea #ACMs

Thu, Mar 29 
16:58 When friends come visit me in NY I like to meet them at the corner of Cock and Balls: http://t.co/3DhySgEc

Wed, Mar 28 
19:12 Red Sox sign him to a 1 yr contract.  Apparently he only blows .198 against lefties.
19:11 Drunk guy in Brockton, MA blows a .384 on the Breathalyzer. Breaking Daryl Strawberry's career high of .356
19:10 RT @colinhealy79: @denisleary I'm same age as Jesus. Have I cured a leper? No. Have I raised someone from the dead? No. Have I washed a  ...
12:54 Study says 33 is the happiest age.  Really?  Anyone ask Jesus?

Mon, Mar 26 
20:02 Hockey Nickname Of The Month:  Nose Face Killah. http://t.co/QlgF5cfh

Thu, Mar 22 
19:20 Sometimes Michael J. Fox likes to cuddle. @realmikefox http://t.co/vCIos0VB
18:09 I wanna thank The Daily Bugle for framing me in a flattering way for this interview- my nose almost fits in the shot. http://t.co/UDZOBaOO

Wed, Mar 21 
21:21 RT @Wbrain70: @denisleary how long in NY before Tebow's eye black reads "Matt. 27:46" (my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?)
20:03 Elway's daughter said she wouldn't marry Tim Tebow even if he actually WAS Jesus.
18:53 Tebow traded to Jets for fourth round pick.  The deal was worked out by his new agent, Judas.
18:17 Peyton cant practice w the team until April 15th.  And he's not allowed to have his first concussion until the second week in May.

Tue, Mar 20 
22:43 Fuck!  They're BOTH my fault.  Math sucks.
22:42 Although I could be blamed for diminishing supply of whiskey. Which would of course raise the price. And I drive giant gas-guzzling trucks.
22:41 Obama's to blame for the price of gas like I'm to blame for the price of whiskey.
22:13 At this point the only reason to fight Milan Lucic is if you want your nose located INSIDE your face. http://t.co/yjYCcuNr
19:13 Satan Manning signs with Denver.  Or at least that's what Tim Tebow told me in prayer circle this morning.

Mon, Mar 19 
15:26 Already voting for 2013 Oscars:  Best Pic: Goon. Actor: Sean William Scott. Supporting: Liev Schreiber. http://t.co/CsQDoFpg

Sat, Mar 17 
00:35 Have to have big balls to wear a fur coat.  And his are big.  Like dog ball big. Saint Bernard Big.
00:34 This is what Lenny wears when we have to appear in front of 33,000 people at Fenway Park. http://t.co/QRwqUdU1
00:10 My favorite show on TV right now is Scott Caan's hair. http://t.co/NQbA3icf

Wed, Mar 14 
14:45 So - just to summarize - the only form of birth control still approved by the Catholic Church is jerking off an altar boy.

Sun, Mar 11 
23:25 Or women's rights.  Or black quarterbacks.  We already know.
23:24 The pope reminding us he hates gay marriage is like Rush Limbaugh reminding us he hates salads.
23:23 The Pope wants to remind us he is against gay marriage.  And wearing any shoe other than Prada.
18:07 Also gives the lamp someone to talk to.
18:06 LSD cures alcoholics.  At least for the 13 hours they spend staring at their hands.

Fri, Mar 09 
19:39 Okay - its not a taco shell made out of Doritos.  It's just one giant fucking Dorito. That you could put more Doritos in.
18:41 HULK HOGAN SEX TAPE SPOILER ALERT: At 10:54, he brings out the folding chair....
18:37 RT @thislspete: What about that devastating leg drop? ?"@denisleary: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape."
17:31 RT @regardingkevin: Five: Andre The Giant Sex Tape. RT @denisleary: Four words I never wanted to hear:  Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.
00:44 Four words I never wanted to hear:  Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.

Thu, Mar 08 
21:15 There are over 1000 new hate groups in the US.  847 of them involve A-Rod.
19:02 FUCK THIS ASSHOLE.  #STOPKONY

http://t.co/oaURj7Or
00:11 Tommy Gavin & crew fight fires forever in the hallowed halls of the @smithsonian in DC. http://t.co/KVaCfhhe

Wed, Mar 07 
23:37 Me and my writing partner Peter Tolan!  Two punks from the workin' classes of Massachusetts.  MASSHOLES! http://t.co/V8O5YC50
23:35 In case you missed it:  Rescue Me was inducted into the Smithsonian, bitch! http://t.co/Rr2ises7
17:33 We recently lost a grant, so are hustling to be ready for festival. It's not too late to get involved! Donate now! http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
17:31 Detroit Fire doc BURN has been accepted to premiere at @TribecaFilmFest !  Here's the trailer: http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
16:05 These guys are personal friends of mine and it's a great night for a great cause: http://t.co/xEMGUEbX

Tue, Mar 06 
22:55 Her hair looks like she found it in the freezer. http://t.co/uWjGIvyb
22:54 I get the feeling Jan Brewer calls every Spanish guy in Arizona Carlos.
03:02 RT @chrisdcomedy: My apologies Sister Joan, 1998. RT @denisleary: Where I come from you win the paper airplane contest when you hit the  ...

Mon, Mar 05 
22:45 Right after this photo was taken Holly ate my iPhone.  She don't like no papparazzi. http://t.co/WdRLhdKo
21:07 RT @spooncwru: Based on the size, I'd say his ability to perform in the clutch. RT @denisleary What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His ...
20:33 Maybe its a flute - he's gonna pull it out all of a sudden and go Jethro Tull. http://t.co/YOtdymfX
20:29 He's got some serious Urkel type shit goin on. http://t.co/OeVEbVII
18:46 What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His balls? http://t.co/7g2OVhUE

Sat, Mar 03 
22:15 Rush Limbaugh charges 17 bucks for a Rush Limbaugh coffee mug.  Who's
the real whore here? http://t.co/vpcYVAyk
22:11 Rush Limbaugh calls a female grad student a slut.  Sounds like somebody wouldn't share their Oxycontin.

Fri, Mar 02 
21:02 Amazing. Autism awareness for first responders: Bill Cannata @fireautism on Today show:  http://t.co/i3t8ecRM His site: http://t.co/gO565cnM
16:50 Newt won 6.5% of the Michigan vote.  Wow.  Gates Brown coulda picked up 9% with one phone call.
 http://t.co/gqX7dqwp

Thu, Mar 01 
22:47 Where I come from you win the paper airplane contest when you hit the math nun in the eye.

Wed, Feb 29 
21:55 I believe in a seperation of Rick Santorum and the constitution.
16:14 Bobby Valentine says no more booze in  Red Sox clubhouse. Bright side: at least security won't have to worry about Sean Young showing up.

Tue, Feb 28 
22:22 Santorum nightmare:  I'm a pro-choice college-educated lapsed Catholic & tho I ain't Satan I'm pretty sure him & me r 2nd cousins.

Mon, Feb 27 
02:50 #tweetroast Oscar Fact:  more people will see this tweet than ever saw Tree Of Life.
02:13 #tweetroast Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months.
02:03 Oscar Fact:  Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months. #tweetroast

Sun, Feb 26 
23:10 Spielberg. Scorcese. @OpieRadio . @AnthonyCumia . Together. One night only. Tonight 7p EST. http://t.co/zyAYvEea @tweet_roast #tweetroast

Sat, Feb 25 
22:30 Streep. Clooney. Pitt. @JimNorton . Where can u see all 4 names on same marquee? Only here: http://t.co/zyAYvEea @tweet_roast #tweetroast
02:34 RT @DrewOlsonMKE: @denisleary Braun's mom is a marathoner. Nick couldn't have caught her.

Fri, Feb 24 
22:14 Braun's from Mission Hills, CA. Think I remember doing a gig with @NickDiPaolo there back '83.  Hmmm....
22:11 Ryan Braun is guilty.  Of looking like @NickDiPaolo 's son. http://t.co/3h2uk4kH
22:00 RT @Likeitorlumpit: @denisleary  sounds like a great way to keep from lapsing into a coma during the #Oscars
20:43 EVEN MORE #tweetroast #oscars Roasters:  @louiskatz @GregFitzShow @adamferrara http://t.co/zyAYvEea
20:42 MORE #tweetroast #oscars Roasters: @WendyLiebman @annielederman @RichVos  @laughspincom @thelaughbutton  http://t.co/zyAYvEea
20:39 More #tweetroast #oscars Roasters: @OpieRadio @AnthonyCumia @bonniemcfarlane @Fred_Stoller  @PeteDominick http://t.co/zyAYvEea
20:38 #tweetroast #oscars Roasters: @JoeDeRosaComedy @jonathan_katz @JimNorton @RobertKelly @AlanZweibel  @morgan_murphy http://t.co/zyAYvEea
20:37 #tweetroast Sunday. 7p EST. Seriously. Are the assholes yer watching the #oscars w gonna be funnier than these guys - here comes the list:
20:30 1st Ever TWEETROAST! Sun night laugh yer ass off during the Oscars. http://t.co/zyAYvEea Follow @tweet_roast and use #tweetroast to join in

Thu, Feb 23 
20:55 I watched the debate and I think I found Satan. He's head of programming at CNN.
18:42 The Liza Colby Sound: easy on the eyes and ears. Get the album on iTunes: http://t.co/deVRpYmZ http://t.co/xmq3bppd
18:41 Check out my supersexytalented band member Liza Colby & her band The Liza Colby Sound- Sun 2/26 at Bowery Electric & Weds 2/29 at Lit NYC.

Wed, Feb 22 
17:12 A gay republican sheriff in AZ? With an illegal alien BF? If this doesnt make Jan Brewer's head explode- nothing will. http://t.co/fKxWLPev

Tue, Feb 21 
16:47 This is Holly.  She's a Joe Pesci Terrier. Stab u in the neck w a pen over pizza crusts. http://t.co/uQdXHF5e

Fri, Feb 17 
22:42 YEAH!  This is the actual tee shirt: RT // "@sisgear: @denisleary http://t.co/tjXLpfpQ”
19:56 T-shirt a friend saw:  WHAT DO WE WANT?  A CURE FOR TOURETTE'S! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? CUNT!

Wed, Feb 15 
19:38 Still time to help the cause.  Get involved: http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
19:37 BURN doc about Detroit FD is hands down best ever portrayal of the job I have ever seen. Speaks to needs & problems of every FD in the USA.

Mon, Feb 13 
19:56 When is the memorial tribute for Brian Wilson?

Fri, Feb 10 
20:49 Oil Can's best pitch was a fastball cut w baby laxative.
20:47 Today's Red Sox pitchers only use beer & buckets of fried chicken. We've come so far...
20:38 Oil Can Boyd admits pitching on blow.  Which is why his games only lasted about 87 minutes.

Wed, Feb 08 
17:05 Okay - so maybe they cant type or scream so i will: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU GOTTA FUCKIN BE SHITTIN ME!!! Make a difference: http://t.co/eW5kTEhV
17:04 9/11 first responders covered for carpal tunnel syndrome & laryngitis but not cancer?
16:36 Elenn Degeneres-hating anti-gay group OneMillionMoms.com only has 40,000 members.  Which proves that bigots are really bad at math.

Tue, Feb 07 
15:37 @xJONEZx pink. Hairy. Huge.  [in reply to xJONEZx]
15:33 @xJONEZx why because of me?  [in reply to xJONEZx]
15:26 New Spiderman trailer.  Fuckin Dafoe kicks ass!

http://t.co/mRWiHEL4

Mon, Feb 06 
21:11 If it's even fucking possible Giselle Fucking Bundchen just got even fucking hotter in my fucking book.
15:01 Ce Lo Green got closer to Eli Manning the second half than the Pats DL.
14:59 Sick about the Super Bowl.  Not cause the Patriots lost.  I think Madonna upset my equilibrium.

Sat, Feb 04 
02:46 RT @S_Mart_Shopper: #OneMillionFrigidCunts RT @denisleary Help me come up with some other new names. #OneMillionWhat?.com
02:45 RT @evilmomthoughts: @denisleary #onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers
02:44 RT @Gregootz: @denisleary onemillionintolerantclosedmindedbitches ...too long?
00:17 My Super Bowl Prediction:  Madonna sucks.

Fri, Feb 03 
23:53 Mickey D's also will use less toxic anti-freeze in sauces. Look at the bright side: during cold snap u can puke right into yr engine block.
23:52 McDonalds agrees to stop using 'pink slime' in burgers. Don't panic!  McMuffins will still be made with hog anus.
22:29 Help me come up with some other new names. #OneMillionWhat?.com
21:58 http://t.co/ArEy8StT wants JC Penney to fire Ellen Degeneres because she's gay. Better name? http://t.co/HJ83V7Oy
16:38 @RobBaral love to but cant - i have to help gingrich colonize mars
14:05 Romney's not concerned about the poor.  Unless one of them misses a spot while trimming his hedges.

Thu, Feb 02 
21:30 17 days til Red Sox pitchers & catchers report to camp. KFC & Bud Lite arrive morning of. http://t.co/Z3W8uChi
18:21 Tebow is in town for the Super Bowl.  Man, is he not gonna get laid.
16:20 Vince Wilfork's name should be Vince Wilfork-Knifeandspoon.

Wed, Feb 01 
20:05 When is Peyton Manning gonna get the surgery to have Jim Irsay removed from his back?
17:36 Call me when Blake Griffin slam dunks a Kia.
15:01 Okay, now that Al Green is taken care of, would it kill Obama to bust out a few bars of "The Asshole Song?"

Tue, Jan 31 
19:35 16 grand for a Super Bowl ticket?  I'll pay 20 grand if it means Madonna doesn't sing.
18:14 I don't see resemblance: my nose is bigger. So is my forehead. And my chin. Fuck! This guy is wayyy better looking than me. Now I hate him.
18:12 Add this guy to the Dafoe / Ellen Degeneres / People Who Denis Looks Like pile. http://t.co/Bw2JDKN5

Fri, Jan 27 
14:09 Mitt believes in self-deportation.  Which is how his money got to the Cayman Islands.
14:00 Newt wants to colonize the moon.  Mostly because  zero gravity might remove three of his chins.

Tue, Jan 24 
20:49 Starbucks adding beer and wine at more stores.  April 1st they open in the Red Sox clubhouse.
19:52 Romney is so tight-assed white he's even tighter-assed-whiter than Richard Pryor's tight-assed white guy impression.
19:46 Man marries dead girlfriend.  I give it 3 weeks before she says "you seem so distant."
19:14 Tim Thomas didn't show - but I did! http://t.co/CXeGxqKU

Mon, Jan 23 
21:53 That's three more tweets than she has twats.
21:51 Discovery Channel? Twat Wars.
21:49 Dos Vaginos.  Univision version
21:47 Two Vaginas.  Sounds like a CBS sitcom.
21:45 If I had two vaginas - I'd probably want three.  I'm never fucking satisfied.
21:44 British woman has two vaginas.  Bet her pants fit like a mitten.

Fri, Jan 20 
18:35 Where I come from we call that being a "giant pussy".
18:28 Cruise capt. says he "tripped and fell" into lifeboat.  And "accidentally" rowed away.

Thu, Jan 19 
22:43 It's actually a very courageous story.  The mouse's journey started in a vat of Wendy's chili two blocks away.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, May 11</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201070969794727936">22:07</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I thought attachment parenting was when my mom hit me in the head w the 8 inch long metal serving spoon attached to her hand.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201070721663901696">22:06</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Personally I wasn't offended. I just couldn't believe Time magazine still existed.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201070204032262144">22:04</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;67% of women offended by Time magazine breastfeeding cover of mom &amp; her 4 yr old son. 98% of men wish they WERE the son.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/201022503831879681">18:54</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Mitt Romney was a prep school bully. Which means he'd stuff you into a locker if you wore white pants after labor day.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/200948811223404545">14:01</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Only thing funnier than Merril Hoge's tie in this photo is TO on Dr Phil cause he lost 80 mil. <a href="http://t.co/fa5xRjid">http://t.co/fa5xRjid</a></li>
</ul>
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*Fri, May 11
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201070969794727936:title=22:07]&nbsp;&nbsp;I thought attachment parenting was when my mom hit me in the head w the 8 inch long metal serving spoon attached to her hand.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201070721663901696:title=22:06]&nbsp;&nbsp;Personally I wasn't offended. I just couldn't believe Time magazine still existed.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201070204032262144:title=22:04]&nbsp;&nbsp;67% of women offended by Time magazine breastfeeding cover of mom &amp; her 4 yr old son. 98% of men wish they WERE the son.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/201022503831879681:title=18:54]&nbsp;&nbsp;Mitt Romney was a prep school bully. Which means he'd stuff you into a locker if you wore white pants after labor day.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/200948811223404545:title=14:01]&nbsp;&nbsp;Only thing funnier than Merril Hoge's tie in this photo is TO on Dr Phil cause he lost 80 mil. http://t.co/fa5xRjid

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, May 04</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/198218890533289984">01:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;It's a TV Academy Honors Award. Looks more like a Golden Globe on steroids. <a href="http://t.co/8Pz1sKTN">http://t.co/8Pz1sKTN</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/198218789559615488">01:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Dear @<a href="http://twitter.com/realmikefox">realmikefox</a> : finally won me an Emmy. <a href="http://t.co/sFPZ91Ss">http://t.co/sFPZ91Ss</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/198209947064991744">00:38</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Little movie I have coming out this summer... <a href="http://t.co/ctFu49RN">http://t.co/ctFu49RN</a></li>
</ul>
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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Apr 23</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/194478833603313666">17:32</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;BURN sold out massively successful premiere at TriBeCa last night: <a href="http://t.co/c6Lrx58C">http://t.co/c6Lrx58C</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/194426878826774528">14:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;He should change his name again: Metta World Peace Death Blow Elbow</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/194425521084440577">14:00</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Gotta love Ron Artest, if only for this headline: Severe Punishment Expected For World Peace.</li>
</ul>
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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Apr 19</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/193105673771429888">22:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Head to @<a href="http://twitter.com/Apostletvfilm">Apostletvfilm</a>'s FB page <a href="https://t.co/Rj7ldDAS">https://t.co/Rj7ldDAS</a> to get tix to Sold Out <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23BURN">#BURN</a> premiere this Sun @<a href="http://twitter.com/TribecaFilmFest">TribecaFilmFest</a> <a href="http://t.co/tdmy2cdl">http://t.co/tdmy2cdl</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/193073485709443073">20:28</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Mike Tyson's doing a one man show in Vegas. It's called Holy Shit Am I Broke.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/193040860324171776">18:18</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Should've known Secret Service guys liked to party. Their code name for President Obama was Tebow.</li>
</ul>
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*Thu, Apr 19
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/193105673771429888:title=22:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;Head to @[http://twitter.com/Apostletvfilm:title=Apostletvfilm]'s FB page https://t.co/Rj7ldDAS to get tix to Sold Out [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23BURN:title=#BURN] premiere this Sun @[http://twitter.com/TribecaFilmFest:title=TribecaFilmFest] http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/193073485709443073:title=20:28]&nbsp;&nbsp;Mike Tyson's doing a one man show in Vegas. It's called Holy Shit Am I Broke.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/193040860324171776:title=18:18]&nbsp;&nbsp;Should've known Secret Service guys liked to party. Their code name for President Obama was Tebow.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Apr 18</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192720544104329216">21:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I wanna see Hologram Tupac tour with Hologram Biggie and then both get shot by the actual Suge Knight.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192719427597373441">21:01</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;With Dick Clark dead, Casey Kasem now reveling in his status as last and reigning king of leather faced syrup voiced lizard people.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192718328194793472">20:56</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm gonna package a Dick Clark Hologram mc'ing a Tupac Hologram summer tour.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/192716484890460161">20:49</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Dick Clark dead. Okay so now I'm starting to get a little more concerned about all this 2012 Mayan shit</li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Wed, Apr 18
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192720544104329216:title=21:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;I wanna see Hologram Tupac tour with Hologram Biggie and then both get shot by the actual Suge Knight.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192719427597373441:title=21:01]&nbsp;&nbsp;With Dick Clark dead, Casey Kasem now reveling in his status as last and reigning king of leather faced syrup voiced lizard people.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192718328194793472:title=20:56]&nbsp;&nbsp;I'm gonna package a Dick Clark Hologram mc'ing a Tupac Hologram summer tour.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/192716484890460161:title=20:49]&nbsp;&nbsp;Dick Clark dead. Okay so now I'm starting to get a little more concerned about all this 2012 Mayan shit

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Apr 12</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190550715721191426">21:23</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Axl Rose wont be at his Rock Hall Of Fame induction tomorrow. He's busy. Getting honored by the Head Up Your Own Ass Museum.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190539740192313344">20:39</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Ahh. The good old Big Red Gambling Machine. // "@<a href="http://twitter.com/ProgScape">ProgScape</a> Marge Schott would nod her head in approval." <a href="http://t.co/qD5MfaJC">http://t.co/qD5MfaJC</a> &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/ProgScape/statuses/190472859066445825" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to ProgScape</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190522523526496256">19:31</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Coming soon: Red Sox cologne. Insert fried chicken and beer joke at your leisure.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190521993102241793">19:29</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Yankees have official cologne now. In case u ever wanted to smell like entitlement filtered through a gallon of Drakkar wrapped in Modell's.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190472720432119810">16:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;If Ozzie Guillen is as crazy as I think he is, he'll start rocking the Hitler moustache sometime this weekend.</li>
</ul>
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*Thu, Apr 12
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190550715721191426:title=21:23]&nbsp;&nbsp;Axl Rose wont be at his Rock Hall Of Fame induction tomorrow. He's busy. Getting honored by the Head Up Your Own Ass Museum.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190539740192313344:title=20:39]&nbsp;&nbsp;Ahh. The good old Big Red Gambling Machine. // "@[http://twitter.com/ProgScape:title=ProgScape] Marge Schott would nod her head in approval." http://t.co/qD5MfaJC &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/ProgScape/statuses/190472859066445825" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to ProgScape</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190522523526496256:title=19:31]&nbsp;&nbsp;Coming soon: Red Sox cologne. Insert fried chicken and beer joke at your leisure.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190521993102241793:title=19:29]&nbsp;&nbsp;Yankees have official cologne now. In case u ever wanted to smell like entitlement filtered through a gallon of Drakkar wrapped in Modell's.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190472720432119810:title=16:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;If Ozzie Guillen is as crazy as I think he is, he'll start rocking the Hitler moustache sometime this weekend.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Apr 11</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190196637052833792">21:56</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;They asked me to sign inside The Green Monster. Next to Neil Diamond. Couldn't help it - had to add Lenny's name. <a href="http://t.co/1VXYi8s1">http://t.co/1VXYi8s1</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190196374749450240">21:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Memorial brick for my Dad unveiled at Fenway. He'd be shitting one right now if he could see this. <a href="http://t.co/EyKKrukH">http://t.co/EyKKrukH</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/190123795116335104">17:06</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Hot Pockets $4.79- new @<a href="http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan">JimGaffigan</a> special "Mr Universe" 5 bucks. CIA plot or clever marketing ploy? I'm going w ploy: <a href="http://t.co/h2FEDEEk">http://t.co/h2FEDEEk</a></li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Wed, Apr 11
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190196637052833792:title=21:56]&nbsp;&nbsp;They asked me to sign inside The Green Monster. Next to Neil Diamond. Couldn't help it - had to add Lenny's name. http://t.co/1VXYi8s1
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190196374749450240:title=21:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;Memorial brick for my Dad unveiled at Fenway. He'd be shitting one right now if he could see this. http://t.co/EyKKrukH
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/190123795116335104:title=17:06]&nbsp;&nbsp;Hot Pockets $4.79- new @[http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan:title=JimGaffigan] special "Mr Universe" 5 bucks. CIA plot or clever marketing ploy? I'm going w ploy: http://t.co/h2FEDEEk

Powered by [http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary:title=twtr2src]

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Apr 10</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/189814235545616385">20:36</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Porn sites account for 30% of internet traffic. Shocking. My average is around 97.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/189783381993721856">18:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/RedSox">RedSox</a>: Actor & comedian @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> visits the Green Monster wall. Segment to air on CBS "This Morning" on 4/20 <a href="http://t.co/cyM4HwIH">http://t.co/cyM4HwIH</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/189749630089703424">16:20</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Here's the thing about Fidel Castro - he still has a better fastball than half of the Red Sox bullpen.</li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Tue, Apr 10
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/189814235545616385:title=20:36]&nbsp;&nbsp;Porn sites account for 30% of internet traffic. Shocking. My average is around 97.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/189783381993721856:title=18:34]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/RedSox:title=RedSox]: Actor & comedian @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] visits the Green Monster wall. Segment to air on CBS "This Morning" on 4/20 http://t.co/cyM4HwIH
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/189749630089703424:title=16:20]&nbsp;&nbsp;Here's the thing about Fidel Castro - he still has a better fastball than half of the Red Sox bullpen.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Apr 04</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187598420431736833">17:52</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I had no idea @<a href="http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan">JimGaffigan</a> has such a global reach. Fuckin hot pockets. Who knew? <a href="http://t.co/rmsjjxHR">http://t.co/rmsjjxHR</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187547246928199682">14:28</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman">SarahKSilverman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman">sarahksilverman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/massholesports">massholesports</a> wicked wicked pissa awesome. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman/statuses/187330929050660864" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to SarahKSilverman</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187547176124170242">14:28</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman">SarahKSilverman</a>: Hahaha that's wicked awesome RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> C'mon @<a href="http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman">sarahksilverman</a> . Make @<a href="http://twitter.com/massholesports">massholesports</a> day. <a href="http://t.co/Tw3hHwgU">http://t.co/Tw3hHwgU</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187547047006715904">14:27</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/_stacii">_stacii</a> you deserve full credit. chicken / egg. can't have one w out the other. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/_stacii/statuses/186952930358853632" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to _stacii</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187546971131752450">14:27</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/_stacii">_stacii</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> THIS IS ME! I wish I only got two minutes for hooking!</li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Wed, Apr 04
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187598420431736833:title=17:52]&nbsp;&nbsp;I had no idea @[http://twitter.com/JimGaffigan:title=JimGaffigan] has such a global reach. Fuckin hot pockets. Who knew? http://t.co/rmsjjxHR
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187547246928199682:title=14:28]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman:title=SarahKSilverman] @[http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman:title=sarahksilverman] @[http://twitter.com/massholesports:title=massholesports] wicked wicked pissa awesome. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman/statuses/187330929050660864" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to SarahKSilverman</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187547176124170242:title=14:28]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/SarahKSilverman:title=SarahKSilverman]: Hahaha that's wicked awesome RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] C'mon @[http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman:title=sarahksilverman] . Make @[http://twitter.com/massholesports:title=massholesports] day. http://t.co/Tw3hHwgU
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187547047006715904:title=14:27]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/_stacii:title=_stacii] you deserve full credit. chicken / egg. can't have one w out the other. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/_stacii/statuses/186952930358853632" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to _stacii</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187546971131752450:title=14:27]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/_stacii:title=_stacii]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] THIS IS ME! I wish I only got two minutes for hooking!

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Apr 03</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187316014906744832">23:09</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Another Reason FF's Kick Ass: <a href="http://t.co/EtDxTkla">http://t.co/EtDxTkla</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187241581768749057">18:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/MassholeSports">MassholeSports</a> forget jumping off bridges - unless it's Jeff Bridges's head - just make more funny signs. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/MassholeSports/statuses/187220222409850881" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to MassholeSports</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/187210127697379328">16:09</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;C'mon @<a href="http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman">sarahksilverman</a> . Make @<a href="http://twitter.com/massholesports">massholesports</a> day. <a href="http://t.co/IKH8z3hV">http://t.co/IKH8z3hV</a></li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Tue, Apr 03
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187316014906744832:title=23:09]&nbsp;&nbsp;Another Reason FF's Kick Ass: http://t.co/EtDxTkla
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187241581768749057:title=18:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/MassholeSports:title=MassholeSports] forget jumping off bridges - unless it's Jeff Bridges's head - just make more funny signs. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/MassholeSports/statuses/187220222409850881" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to MassholeSports</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/187210127697379328:title=16:09]&nbsp;&nbsp;C'mon @[http://twitter.com/sarahksilverman:title=sarahksilverman] . Make @[http://twitter.com/massholesports:title=massholesports] day. http://t.co/IKH8z3hV

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Apr 02</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186960114157232128">23:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Only way he could have a better hockey name is if its as Shattenfuck. Or Shotthatkills.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186959875417452545">23:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Barry Melrose NHL defenseman of week Kevin Shattenkirk. <a href="http://t.co/sY1AqnGe">http://t.co/sY1AqnGe</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186938190270181376">22:08</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;And hey, the real sign is pretty great too: <a href="http://t.co/SWdEWAqK">http://t.co/SWdEWAqK</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186937962590773248">22:07</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Why I looooove photoshop - best hockey sign ever, even if it is fake. <a href="http://t.co/Vbvqu6F4">http://t.co/Vbvqu6F4</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186629941889208320">01:43</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Rascal Flatts was discovered on Ed McMahon’s “Star Search.” Proving once again that alcoholics don’t care who they hurt. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23ACMs">#ACMs</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/186622486337695745">01:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Nominated for song of the year: “You & Tequila.” Wait a minute. None of these shitkickers thought of that title till this year? <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Mon, Apr 02
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186960114157232128:title=23:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;Only way he could have a better hockey name is if its as Shattenfuck. Or Shotthatkills.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186959875417452545:title=23:34]&nbsp;&nbsp;Barry Melrose NHL defenseman of week Kevin Shattenkirk. http://t.co/sY1AqnGe
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186938190270181376:title=22:08]&nbsp;&nbsp;And hey, the real sign is pretty great too: http://t.co/SWdEWAqK
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186937962590773248:title=22:07]&nbsp;&nbsp;Why I looooove photoshop - best hockey sign ever, even if it is fake. http://t.co/Vbvqu6F4
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186629941889208320:title=01:43]&nbsp;&nbsp;Rascal Flatts was discovered on Ed McMahon’s “Star Search.” Proving once again that alcoholics don’t care who they hurt. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23ACMs:title=#ACMs]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/186622486337695745:title=01:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;Nominated for song of the year: “You & Tequila.” Wait a minute. None of these shitkickers thought of that title till this year? [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast]

Powered by [http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary:title=twtr2src]

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Mar 30</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185866934162685952">23:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;As if Kate Winslet needed to be even sexier. Her great book supporting autism awareness: <a href="http://t.co/3GtNQGVc">http://t.co/3GtNQGVc</a> // <a href="http://t.co/PTeRTMyi">http://t.co/PTeRTMyi</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185836438972145665">21:10</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;ACM awards- they should call it The Big Hair, Bigger Hats Show. It's also April Fools. What better time to have a @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweetroast">tweetroast</a> ? <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185836170410852353">21:09</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Sunday is The Academy Of Country Music Awards. Yeah - I didn't know what the fuck they were either.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185800767616192514">18:48</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Academy Of Country Music Awards. Sunday 4/1. Better yet: @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweetroast">tweetroast</a> of ACM's. Same time. Laugh. Sing. Puke. <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23ACMs">#ACMs</a></li>
</ul>
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*Fri, Mar 30
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185866934162685952:title=23:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;As if Kate Winslet needed to be even sexier. Her great book supporting autism awareness: http://t.co/3GtNQGVc // http://t.co/PTeRTMyi
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185836438972145665:title=21:10]&nbsp;&nbsp;ACM awards- they should call it The Big Hair, Bigger Hats Show. It's also April Fools. What better time to have a @[http://twitter.com/tweetroast:title=tweetroast] ? [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185836170410852353:title=21:09]&nbsp;&nbsp;Sunday is The Academy Of Country Music Awards. Yeah - I didn't know what the fuck they were either.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185800767616192514:title=18:48]&nbsp;&nbsp;Academy Of Country Music Awards. Sunday 4/1. Better yet: @[http://twitter.com/tweetroast:title=tweetroast] of ACM's. Same time. Laugh. Sing. Puke. http://t.co/zyAYvEea [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23ACMs:title=#ACMs]

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Mar 28</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185082031548530688">19:12</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Red Sox sign him to a 1 yr contract. Apparently he only blows .198 against lefties.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185081796759785472">19:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Drunk guy in Brockton, MA blows a .384 on the Breathalyzer. Breaking Daryl Strawberry's career high of .356</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/185081459508396032">19:10</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/colinhealy79">colinhealy79</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> I'm same age as Jesus. Have I cured a leper? No. Have I raised someone from the dead? No. Have I washed a ...</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/184986924421890048">12:54</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Study says 33 is the happiest age. Really? Anyone ask Jesus?</li>
</ul>
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*Wed, Mar 28
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185082031548530688:title=19:12]&nbsp;&nbsp;Red Sox sign him to a 1 yr contract. Apparently he only blows .198 against lefties.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185081796759785472:title=19:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;Drunk guy in Brockton, MA blows a .384 on the Breathalyzer. Breaking Daryl Strawberry's career high of .356
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/185081459508396032:title=19:10]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/colinhealy79:title=colinhealy79]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] I'm same age as Jesus. Have I cured a leper? No. Have I raised someone from the dead? No. Have I washed a ...
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/184986924421890048:title=12:54]&nbsp;&nbsp;Study says 33 is the happiest age. Really? Anyone ask Jesus?

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Mar 21</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182577771317428224">21:21</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/Wbrain70">Wbrain70</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> how long in NY before Tebow's eye black reads "Matt. 27:46" (my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?)</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182558041126871041">20:03</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Elway's daughter said she wouldn't marry Tim Tebow even if he actually WAS Jesus.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182540425628889089">18:53</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Tebow traded to Jets for fourth round pick. The deal was worked out by his new agent, Judas.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182531381828665344">18:17</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Peyton cant practice w the team until April 15th. And he's not allowed to have his first concussion until the second week in May.</li>
</ul>
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*Wed, Mar 21
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182577771317428224:title=21:21]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/Wbrain70:title=Wbrain70]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] how long in NY before Tebow's eye black reads "Matt. 27:46" (my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?)
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182558041126871041:title=20:03]&nbsp;&nbsp;Elway's daughter said she wouldn't marry Tim Tebow even if he actually WAS Jesus.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182540425628889089:title=18:53]&nbsp;&nbsp;Tebow traded to Jets for fourth round pick. The deal was worked out by his new agent, Judas.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182531381828665344:title=18:17]&nbsp;&nbsp;Peyton cant practice w the team until April 15th. And he's not allowed to have his first concussion until the second week in May.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Mar 20</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182235859049918464">22:43</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Fuck! They're BOTH my fault. Math sucks.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182235703030190080">22:42</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Although I could be blamed for diminishing supply of whiskey. Which would of course raise the price. And I drive giant gas-guzzling trucks.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182235457269153794">22:41</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Obama's to blame for the price of gas like I'm to blame for the price of whiskey.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182228379800571904">22:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;At this point the only reason to fight Milan Lucic is if you want your nose located INSIDE your face. <a href="http://t.co/yjYCcuNr">http://t.co/yjYCcuNr</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/182183122677411841">19:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Satan Manning signs with Denver. Or at least that's what Tim Tebow told me in prayer circle this morning.</li>
</ul>
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*Tue, Mar 20
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182235859049918464:title=22:43]&nbsp;&nbsp;Fuck! They're BOTH my fault. Math sucks.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182235703030190080:title=22:42]&nbsp;&nbsp;Although I could be blamed for diminishing supply of whiskey. Which would of course raise the price. And I drive giant gas-guzzling trucks.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182235457269153794:title=22:41]&nbsp;&nbsp;Obama's to blame for the price of gas like I'm to blame for the price of whiskey.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182228379800571904:title=22:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;At this point the only reason to fight Milan Lucic is if you want your nose located INSIDE your face. http://t.co/yjYCcuNr
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/182183122677411841:title=19:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;Satan Manning signs with Denver. Or at least that's what Tim Tebow told me in prayer circle this morning.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, Mar 17</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/180814581478850560">00:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Have to have big balls to wear a fur coat. And his are big. Like dog ball big. Saint Bernard Big.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/180814374519320576">00:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;This is what Lenny wears when we have to appear in front of 33,000 people at Fenway Park. <a href="http://t.co/QRwqUdU1">http://t.co/QRwqUdU1</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/180808234343473152">00:10</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;My favorite show on TV right now is Scott Caan's hair. <a href="http://t.co/NQbA3icf">http://t.co/NQbA3icf</a></li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sun, Mar 11</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178985034752069632">23:25</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Or women's rights. Or black quarterbacks. We already know.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178984895513767936">23:24</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;The pope reminding us he hates gay marriage is like Rush Limbaugh reminding us he hates salads.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178984540319125504">23:23</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;The Pope wants to remind us he is against gay marriage. And wearing any shoe other than Prada.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178904876074532864">18:07</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Also gives the lamp someone to talk to.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178904702531010561">18:06</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;LSD cures alcoholics. At least for the 13 hours they spend staring at their hands.</li>
</ul>
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*Sun, Mar 11
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178985034752069632:title=23:25]&nbsp;&nbsp;Or women's rights. Or black quarterbacks. We already know.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178984895513767936:title=23:24]&nbsp;&nbsp;The pope reminding us he hates gay marriage is like Rush Limbaugh reminding us he hates salads.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178984540319125504:title=23:23]&nbsp;&nbsp;The Pope wants to remind us he is against gay marriage. And wearing any shoe other than Prada.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178904876074532864:title=18:07]&nbsp;&nbsp;Also gives the lamp someone to talk to.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178904702531010561:title=18:06]&nbsp;&nbsp;LSD cures alcoholics. At least for the 13 hours they spend staring at their hands.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Mar 09</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178203350083444736">19:39</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay - its not a taco shell made out of Doritos. It's just one giant fucking Dorito. That you could put more Doritos in.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178188801682841602">18:41</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;HULK HOGAN SEX TAPE SPOILER ALERT: At 10:54, he brings out the folding chair....</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178187742201651200">18:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/thislspete">thislspete</a>: What about that devastating leg drop? ?"@<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a>: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape."</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/178171161430081537">17:31</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/regardingkevin">regardingkevin</a>: Five: Andre The Giant Sex Tape. RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a>: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177917723924373504">00:44</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.</li>
</ul>
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*Fri, Mar 09
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178203350083444736:title=19:39]&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay - its not a taco shell made out of Doritos. It's just one giant fucking Dorito. That you could put more Doritos in.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178188801682841602:title=18:41]&nbsp;&nbsp;HULK HOGAN SEX TAPE SPOILER ALERT: At 10:54, he brings out the folding chair....
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178187742201651200:title=18:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/thislspete:title=thislspete]: What about that devastating leg drop? ?"@[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary]: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape."
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/178171161430081537:title=17:31]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/regardingkevin:title=regardingkevin]: Five: Andre The Giant Sex Tape. RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary]: Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177917723924373504:title=00:44]&nbsp;&nbsp;Four words I never wanted to hear: Hulk Hogan Sex Tape.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Mar 08</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177865129524858881">21:15</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;There are over 1000 new hate groups in the US. 847 of them involve A-Rod.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177831600342568961">19:02</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;FUCK THIS ASSHOLE. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23STOPKONY">#STOPKONY</a> <a href="http://t.co/oaURj7Or">http://t.co/oaURj7Or</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177547025624215552">00:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Tommy Gavin & crew fight fires forever in the hallowed halls of the @<a href="http://twitter.com/smithsonian">smithsonian</a> in DC. <a href="http://t.co/KVaCfhhe">http://t.co/KVaCfhhe</a></li>
</ul>
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*Thu, Mar 08
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177865129524858881:title=21:15]&nbsp;&nbsp;There are over 1000 new hate groups in the US. 847 of them involve A-Rod.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177831600342568961:title=19:02]&nbsp;&nbsp;FUCK THIS ASSHOLE. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23STOPKONY:title=#STOPKONY] http://t.co/oaURj7Or
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177547025624215552:title=00:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;Tommy Gavin & crew fight fires forever in the hallowed halls of the @[http://twitter.com/smithsonian:title=smithsonian] in DC. http://t.co/KVaCfhhe

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Mar 07</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177538478479912960">23:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Me and my writing partner Peter Tolan! Two punks from the workin' classes of Massachusetts. MASSHOLES! <a href="http://t.co/V8O5YC50">http://t.co/V8O5YC50</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177538085574295552">23:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;In case you missed it: Rescue Me was inducted into the Smithsonian, bitch! <a href="http://t.co/Rr2ises7">http://t.co/Rr2ises7</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177446969164308480">17:33</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;We recently lost a grant, so are hustling to be ready for festival. It's not too late to get involved! Donate now! <a href="http://t.co/tdmy2cdl">http://t.co/tdmy2cdl</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177446330552160256">17:31</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Detroit Fire doc BURN has been accepted to premiere at @<a href="http://twitter.com/TribecaFilmFest">TribecaFilmFest</a> ! Here's the trailer: <a href="http://t.co/tdmy2cdl">http://t.co/tdmy2cdl</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177424712551501824">16:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;These guys are personal friends of mine and it's a great night for a great cause: <a href="http://t.co/xEMGUEbX">http://t.co/xEMGUEbX</a></li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Wed, Mar 07
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177538478479912960:title=23:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;Me and my writing partner Peter Tolan! Two punks from the workin' classes of Massachusetts. MASSHOLES! http://t.co/V8O5YC50
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177538085574295552:title=23:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;In case you missed it: Rescue Me was inducted into the Smithsonian, bitch! http://t.co/Rr2ises7
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177446969164308480:title=17:33]&nbsp;&nbsp;We recently lost a grant, so are hustling to be ready for festival. It's not too late to get involved! Donate now! http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177446330552160256:title=17:31]&nbsp;&nbsp;Detroit Fire doc BURN has been accepted to premiere at @[http://twitter.com/TribecaFilmFest:title=TribecaFilmFest] ! Here's the trailer: http://t.co/tdmy2cdl
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177424712551501824:title=16:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;These guys are personal friends of mine and it's a great night for a great cause: http://t.co/xEMGUEbX

Powered by [http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary:title=twtr2src]

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Mar 06</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177165465511149568">22:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Her hair looks like she found it in the freezer. <a href="http://t.co/uWjGIvyb">http://t.co/uWjGIvyb</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/177165223197806592">22:54</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I get the feeling Jan Brewer calls every Spanish guy in Arizona Carlos.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176865348488929281">03:02</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy">chrisdcomedy</a>: My apologies Sister Joan, 1998. RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a>: Where I come from you win the paper airplane contest when you hit the ...</li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Tue, Mar 06
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177165465511149568:title=22:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;Her hair looks like she found it in the freezer. http://t.co/uWjGIvyb
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/177165223197806592:title=22:54]&nbsp;&nbsp;I get the feeling Jan Brewer calls every Spanish guy in Arizona Carlos.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176865348488929281:title=03:02]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy:title=chrisdcomedy]: My apologies Sister Joan, 1998. RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary]: Where I come from you win the paper airplane contest when you hit the ...

Powered by [http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary:title=twtr2src]

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Mar 05</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176800650410213376">22:45</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Right after this photo was taken Holly ate my iPhone. She don't like no papparazzi. <a href="http://t.co/WdRLhdKo">http://t.co/WdRLhdKo</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176775927194324994">21:07</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/spooncwru">spooncwru</a>: Based on the size, I'd say his ability to perform in the clutch. RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His ...</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176767306435805184">20:33</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe its a flute - he's gonna pull it out all of a sudden and go Jethro Tull. <a href="http://t.co/YOtdymfX">http://t.co/YOtdymfX</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176766332837179392">20:29</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;He's got some serious Urkel type shit goin on. <a href="http://t.co/OeVEbVII">http://t.co/OeVEbVII</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/176740360284934144">18:46</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His balls? <a href="http://t.co/7g2OVhUE">http://t.co/7g2OVhUE</a></li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Mon, Mar 05
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176800650410213376:title=22:45]&nbsp;&nbsp;Right after this photo was taken Holly ate my iPhone. She don't like no papparazzi. http://t.co/WdRLhdKo
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176775927194324994:title=21:07]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/spooncwru:title=spooncwru]: Based on the size, I'd say his ability to perform in the clutch. RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His ...
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176767306435805184:title=20:33]&nbsp;&nbsp;Maybe its a flute - he's gonna pull it out all of a sudden and go Jethro Tull. http://t.co/YOtdymfX
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176766332837179392:title=20:29]&nbsp;&nbsp;He's got some serious Urkel type shit goin on. http://t.co/OeVEbVII
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/176740360284934144:title=18:46]&nbsp;&nbsp;What's LeBron carrying in that murse? His balls? http://t.co/7g2OVhUE

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Feb 27</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173963246255091713">02:50</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> Oscar Fact: more people will see this tweet than ever saw Tree Of Life.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173953867057348608">02:13</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173951316706607105">02:03</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Mon, Feb 27
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173963246255091713:title=02:50]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] Oscar Fact: more people will see this tweet than ever saw Tree Of Life.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173953867057348608:title=02:13]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173951316706607105:title=02:03]&nbsp;&nbsp;Oscar Fact: Meryl Streep prepared for Iron Lady role by wearing a strap-on for 6 1/2 months. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast]

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, Feb 25</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173535433798594562">22:30</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Streep. Clooney. Pitt. @<a href="http://twitter.com/JimNorton">JimNorton</a> . Where can u see all 4 names on same marquee? Only here: <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweet_roast">tweet_roast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173234280049287168">02:34</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/DrewOlsonMKE">DrewOlsonMKE</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> Braun's mom is a marathoner. Nick couldn't have caught her.</li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Feb 24</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173168835501899776">22:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Braun's from Mission Hills, CA. Think I remember doing a gig with @<a href="http://twitter.com/NickDiPaolo">NickDiPaolo</a> there back '83. Hmmm....</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173168284772999168">22:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Ryan Braun is guilty. Of looking like @<a href="http://twitter.com/NickDiPaolo">NickDiPaolo</a> 's son. <a href="http://t.co/3h2uk4kH">http://t.co/3h2uk4kH</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173165444847509504">22:00</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/Likeitorlumpit">Likeitorlumpit</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> sounds like a great way to keep from lapsing into a coma during the <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23Oscars">#Oscars</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173145960539627520">20:43</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;EVEN MORE <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> Roasters: @<a href="http://twitter.com/louiskatz">louiskatz</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/GregFitzShow">GregFitzShow</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/adamferrara">adamferrara</a> <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173145677197606914">20:42</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;MORE <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> Roasters: @<a href="http://twitter.com/WendyLiebman">WendyLiebman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/annielederman">annielederman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/RichVos">RichVos</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/laughspincom">laughspincom</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/thelaughbutton">thelaughbutton</a> <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173145049733926913">20:39</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;More <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> Roasters: @<a href="http://twitter.com/OpieRadio">OpieRadio</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/AnthonyCumia">AnthonyCumia</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/bonniemcfarlane">bonniemcfarlane</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/Fred_Stoller">Fred_Stoller</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/PeteDominick">PeteDominick</a> <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173144873225031680">20:38</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> Roasters: @<a href="http://twitter.com/JoeDeRosaComedy">JoeDeRosaComedy</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/jonathan_katz">jonathan_katz</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/JimNorton">JimNorton</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/RobertKelly">RobertKelly</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/AlanZweibel">AlanZweibel</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/morgan_murphy">morgan_murphy</a> <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173144482668216321">20:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> Sunday. 7p EST. Seriously. Are the assholes yer watching the <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars">#oscars</a> w gonna be funnier than these guys - here comes the list:</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/173142806917939200">20:30</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;1st Ever TWEETROAST! Sun night laugh yer ass off during the Oscars. <a href="http://t.co/zyAYvEea">http://t.co/zyAYvEea</a> Follow @<a href="http://twitter.com/tweet_roast">tweet_roast</a> and use <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast">#tweetroast</a> to join in</li>
</ul>
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*Fri, Feb 24
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173168835501899776:title=22:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;Braun's from Mission Hills, CA. Think I remember doing a gig with @[http://twitter.com/NickDiPaolo:title=NickDiPaolo] there back '83. Hmmm....
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173168284772999168:title=22:11]&nbsp;&nbsp;Ryan Braun is guilty. Of looking like @[http://twitter.com/NickDiPaolo:title=NickDiPaolo] 's son. http://t.co/3h2uk4kH
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173165444847509504:title=22:00]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/Likeitorlumpit:title=Likeitorlumpit]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] sounds like a great way to keep from lapsing into a coma during the [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23Oscars:title=#Oscars]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173145960539627520:title=20:43]&nbsp;&nbsp;EVEN MORE [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] Roasters: @[http://twitter.com/louiskatz:title=louiskatz] @[http://twitter.com/GregFitzShow:title=GregFitzShow] @[http://twitter.com/adamferrara:title=adamferrara] http://t.co/zyAYvEea
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173145677197606914:title=20:42]&nbsp;&nbsp;MORE [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] Roasters: @[http://twitter.com/WendyLiebman:title=WendyLiebman] @[http://twitter.com/annielederman:title=annielederman] @[http://twitter.com/RichVos:title=RichVos] @[http://twitter.com/laughspincom:title=laughspincom] @[http://twitter.com/thelaughbutton:title=thelaughbutton] http://t.co/zyAYvEea
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173145049733926913:title=20:39]&nbsp;&nbsp;More [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] Roasters: @[http://twitter.com/OpieRadio:title=OpieRadio] @[http://twitter.com/AnthonyCumia:title=AnthonyCumia] @[http://twitter.com/bonniemcfarlane:title=bonniemcfarlane] @[http://twitter.com/Fred_Stoller:title=Fred_Stoller] @[http://twitter.com/PeteDominick:title=PeteDominick] http://t.co/zyAYvEea
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173144873225031680:title=20:38]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] Roasters: @[http://twitter.com/JoeDeRosaComedy:title=JoeDeRosaComedy] @[http://twitter.com/jonathan_katz:title=jonathan_katz] @[http://twitter.com/JimNorton:title=JimNorton] @[http://twitter.com/RobertKelly:title=RobertKelly] @[http://twitter.com/AlanZweibel:title=AlanZweibel] @[http://twitter.com/morgan_murphy:title=morgan_murphy] http://t.co/zyAYvEea
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173144482668216321:title=20:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;[http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] Sunday. 7p EST. Seriously. Are the assholes yer watching the [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23oscars:title=#oscars] w gonna be funnier than these guys - here comes the list:
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/173142806917939200:title=20:30]&nbsp;&nbsp;1st Ever TWEETROAST! Sun night laugh yer ass off during the Oscars. http://t.co/zyAYvEea Follow @[http://twitter.com/tweet_roast:title=tweet_roast] and use [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23tweetroast:title=#tweetroast] to join in

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Fri, Feb 24 
22:14 Braun's from Mission Hills, CA. Think I remember doing a gig with @NickDiPaolo there back '83. Hmmm....
22:11 Ryan Braun is guilty. Of looking like @NickDiPaolo 's son. http://t.co/3h2uk4kH
22:00 RT @Likeitorlumpit: @denisleary sounds like a great way to keep from lapsing into a coma during the #Oscars
20:43 EVEN MORE #tweetroast #oscars Roasters: @louiskatz @GregFitzShow @adamferrara http://t.co/zyAYvEea
20:42 MORE #tweetroast #oscars Roasters: @WendyLiebman @annielederman @RichVos @laughspincom @thelaughbutton http://t.co/zyAYvEea
20:39 More #tweetroast #oscars Roasters: @OpieRadio @AnthonyCumia @bonniemcfarlane @Fred_Stoller @PeteDominick http://t.co/zyAYvEea
20:38 #tweetroast #oscars Roasters: @JoeDeRosaComedy @jonathan_katz @JimNorton @RobertKelly @AlanZweibel @morgan_murphy http://t.co/zyAYvEea
20:37 #tweetroast Sunday. 7p EST. Seriously. Are the assholes yer watching the #oscars w gonna be funnier than these guys - here comes the list:
20:30 1st Ever TWEETROAST! Sun night laugh yer ass off during the Oscars. http://t.co/zyAYvEea Follow @tweet_roast and use #tweetroast to join in
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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Feb 23</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/172786601578070018">20:55</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I watched the debate and I think I found Satan. He's head of programming at CNN.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/172753221209702400">18:42</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;The Liza Colby Sound: easy on the eyes and ears. Get the album on iTunes: <a href="http://t.co/deVRpYmZ">http://t.co/deVRpYmZ</a> <a href="http://t.co/xmq3bppd">http://t.co/xmq3bppd</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/172752962307891200">18:41</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Check out my supersexytalented band member Liza Colby & her band The Liza Colby Sound- Sun 2/26 at Bowery Electric & Weds 2/29 at Lit NYC.</li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Thu, Feb 23
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/172786601578070018:title=20:55]&nbsp;&nbsp;I watched the debate and I think I found Satan. He's head of programming at CNN.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/172753221209702400:title=18:42]&nbsp;&nbsp;The Liza Colby Sound: easy on the eyes and ears. Get the album on iTunes: http://t.co/deVRpYmZ http://t.co/xmq3bppd
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/172752962307891200:title=18:41]&nbsp;&nbsp;Check out my supersexytalented band member Liza Colby & her band The Liza Colby Sound- Sun 2/26 at Bowery Electric & Weds 2/29 at Lit NYC.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Wed, Feb 08</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/167292887590109185">17:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay - so maybe they cant type or scream so i will: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU GOTTA FUCKIN BE SHITTIN ME!!! Make a difference: <a href="http://t.co/eW5kTEhV">http://t.co/eW5kTEhV</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/167292788285775873">17:04</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;9/11 first responders covered for carpal tunnel syndrome & laryngitis but not cancer?</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/167285779947724800">16:36</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Elenn Degeneres-hating anti-gay group OneMillionMoms.com only has 40,000 members. Which proves that bigots are really bad at math.</li>
</ul>
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*Wed, Feb 08
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/167292887590109185:title=17:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;Okay - so maybe they cant type or scream so i will: WHAT THE FUCK? YOU GOTTA FUCKIN BE SHITTIN ME!!! Make a difference: http://t.co/eW5kTEhV
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/167292788285775873:title=17:04]&nbsp;&nbsp;9/11 first responders covered for carpal tunnel syndrome & laryngitis but not cancer?
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/167285779947724800:title=16:36]&nbsp;&nbsp;Elenn Degeneres-hating anti-gay group OneMillionMoms.com only has 40,000 members. Which proves that bigots are really bad at math.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Feb 07</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166908415669575680">15:37</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx">xJONEZx</a> pink. Hairy. Huge. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx/statuses/166907793033539584" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to xJONEZx</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166907339524411392">15:33</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx">xJONEZx</a> why because of me? &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx/statuses/166906746605019137" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to xJONEZx</a>]
</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166905657646256128">15:26</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;New Spiderman trailer. Fuckin Dafoe kicks ass! <a href="http://t.co/mRWiHEL4">http://t.co/mRWiHEL4</a></li>
</ul>
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*Tue, Feb 07
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166908415669575680:title=15:37]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/xJONEZx:title=xJONEZx] pink. Hairy. Huge. &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx/statuses/166907793033539584" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to xJONEZx</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166907339524411392:title=15:33]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/xJONEZx:title=xJONEZx] why because of me? &nbsp;[<a href="http://twitter.com/xJONEZx/statuses/166906746605019137" style="color:gray;text-decoration:none;">in reply to xJONEZx</a>]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/166905657646256128:title=15:26]&nbsp;&nbsp;New Spiderman trailer. Fuckin Dafoe kicks ass! http://t.co/mRWiHEL4

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Feb 06</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166630020125696000">21:11</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;If it's even fucking possible Giselle Fucking Bundchen just got even fucking hotter in my fucking book.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166536938545881090">15:01</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Ce Lo Green got closer to Eli Manning the second half than the Pats DL.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/166536495707078656">14:59</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Sick about the Super Bowl. Not cause the Patriots lost. I think Madonna upset my equilibrium.</li>
</ul>
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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Sat, Feb 04</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165627224383434752">02:46</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/S_Mart_Shopper">S_Mart_Shopper</a>: <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionFrigidCunts">#OneMillionFrigidCunts</a> RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> Help me come up with some other new names. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionWhat?.com">#OneMillionWhat?.com</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165627027926429696">02:45</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/evilmomthoughts">evilmomthoughts</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers">#onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165626868102463488">02:44</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @<a href="http://twitter.com/Gregootz">Gregootz</a>: @<a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary">denisleary</a> onemillionintolerantclosedmindedbitches ...too long?</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165589766056849408">00:17</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;My Super Bowl Prediction: Madonna sucks.</li>
</ul>
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*Sat, Feb 04
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165627224383434752:title=02:46]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/S_Mart_Shopper:title=S_Mart_Shopper]: [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionFrigidCunts:title=#OneMillionFrigidCunts] RT @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] Help me come up with some other new names. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionWhat?.com:title=#OneMillionWhat?.com]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165627027926429696:title=02:45]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/evilmomthoughts:title=evilmomthoughts]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers:title=#onemillionhatefulbitcheswithnothingbettertothanviolatethecivilrightsofothers]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165626868102463488:title=02:44]&nbsp;&nbsp;RT @[http://twitter.com/Gregootz:title=Gregootz]: @[http://twitter.com/denisleary:title=denisleary] onemillionintolerantclosedmindedbitches ...too long?
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165589766056849408:title=00:17]&nbsp;&nbsp;My Super Bowl Prediction: Madonna sucks.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Fri, Feb 03</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165583821968908289">23:53</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Mickey D's also will use less toxic anti-freeze in sauces. Look at the bright side: during cold snap u can puke right into yr engine block.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165583481341091841">23:52</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;McDonalds agrees to stop using 'pink slime' in burgers. Don't panic! McMuffins will still be made with hog anus.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165562701312032769">22:29</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Help me come up with some other new names. <a href="http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionWhat?.com">#OneMillionWhat?.com</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165554777604886528">21:58</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="http://t.co/ArEy8StT">http://t.co/ArEy8StT</a> wants JC Penney to fire Ellen Degeneres because she's gay. Better name? <a href="http://t.co/HJ83V7Oy">http://t.co/HJ83V7Oy</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165474143263916033">16:38</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;@<a href="http://twitter.com/RobBaral">RobBaral</a> love to but cant - i have to help gingrich colonize mars</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165435852955201536">14:05</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney's not concerned about the poor. Unless one of them misses a spot while trimming his hedges.</li>
</ul>
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*Fri, Feb 03
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165583821968908289:title=23:53]&nbsp;&nbsp;Mickey D's also will use less toxic anti-freeze in sauces. Look at the bright side: during cold snap u can puke right into yr engine block.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165583481341091841:title=23:52]&nbsp;&nbsp;McDonalds agrees to stop using 'pink slime' in burgers. Don't panic! McMuffins will still be made with hog anus.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165562701312032769:title=22:29]&nbsp;&nbsp;Help me come up with some other new names. [http://search.twitter.com/search?q=%23OneMillionWhat?.com:title=#OneMillionWhat?.com]
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165554777604886528:title=21:58]&nbsp;&nbsp;http://t.co/ArEy8StT wants JC Penney to fire Ellen Degeneres because she's gay. Better name? http://t.co/HJ83V7Oy
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165474143263916033:title=16:38]&nbsp;&nbsp;@[http://twitter.com/RobBaral:title=RobBaral] love to but cant - i have to help gingrich colonize mars
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/165435852955201536:title=14:05]&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney's not concerned about the poor. Unless one of them misses a spot while trimming his hedges.

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Thu, Feb 02</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165185424300584961">21:30</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;17 days til Red Sox pitchers & catchers report to camp. KFC & Bud Lite arrive morning of. <a href="http://t.co/Z3W8uChi">http://t.co/Z3W8uChi</a></li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165137906338500610">18:21</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Tebow is in town for the Super Bowl. Man, is he not gonna get laid.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/165107267157491712">16:20</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Vince Wilfork's name should be Vince Wilfork-Knifeandspoon.</li>
</ul>
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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Jan 31</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164431741497524225">19:35</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;16 grand for a Super Bowl ticket? I'll pay 20 grand if it means Madonna doesn't sing.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164411292013182977">18:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;I don't see resemblance: my nose is bigger. So is my forehead. And my chin. Fuck! This guy is wayyy better looking than me. Now I hate him.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/164410750293655552">18:12</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Add this guy to the Dafoe / Ellen Degeneres / People Who Denis Looks Like pile. <a href="http://t.co/Bw2JDKN5">http://t.co/Bw2JDKN5</a></li>
</ul>
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*Tue, Jan 31
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164431741497524225:title=19:35]&nbsp;&nbsp;16 grand for a Super Bowl ticket? I'll pay 20 grand if it means Madonna doesn't sing.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164411292013182977:title=18:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;I don't see resemblance: my nose is bigger. So is my forehead. And my chin. Fuck! This guy is wayyy better looking than me. Now I hate him.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/164410750293655552:title=18:12]&nbsp;&nbsp;Add this guy to the Dafoe / Ellen Degeneres / People Who Denis Looks Like pile. http://t.co/Bw2JDKN5

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Tue, Jan 24</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161913647327739905">20:49</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Starbucks adding beer and wine at more stores. April 1st they open in the Red Sox clubhouse.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161899108100096000">19:52</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney is so tight-assed white he's even tighter-assed-whiter than Richard Pryor's tight-assed white guy impression.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161897651720290304">19:46</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Man marries dead girlfriend. I give it 3 weeks before she says "you seem so distant."</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161889519786917889">19:14</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Tim Thomas didn't show - but I did! <a href="http://t.co/CXeGxqKU">http://t.co/CXeGxqKU</a></li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Tue, Jan 24
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161913647327739905:title=20:49]&nbsp;&nbsp;Starbucks adding beer and wine at more stores. April 1st they open in the Red Sox clubhouse.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161899108100096000:title=19:52]&nbsp;&nbsp;Romney is so tight-assed white he's even tighter-assed-whiter than Richard Pryor's tight-assed white guy impression.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161897651720290304:title=19:46]&nbsp;&nbsp;Man marries dead girlfriend. I give it 3 weeks before she says "you seem so distant."
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161889519786917889:title=19:14]&nbsp;&nbsp;Tim Thomas didn't show - but I did! http://t.co/CXeGxqKU

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<h2 class="twtr2src_date">Mon, Jan 23</h2>
<ul><li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161567155161284609">21:53</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;That's three more tweets than she has twats.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161566677711073281">21:51</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Discovery Channel? Twat Wars.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161566251594956800">21:49</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Dos Vaginos. Univision version</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161565632494698496">21:47</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;Two Vaginas. Sounds like a CBS sitcom.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161565301622849536">21:45</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;If I had two vaginas - I'd probably want three. I'm never fucking satisfied.</li>
<li class="twtr2src"><a href="http://twitter.com/denisleary/statuses/161565079786098688">21:44</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;British woman has two vaginas. Bet her pants fit like a mitten.</li>
</ul>
Powered by <a href="http://twtr2src.ogaoga.org/users/denisleary">twtr2src</a>.

*Mon, Jan 23
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161567155161284609:title=21:53]&nbsp;&nbsp;That's three more tweets than she has twats.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161566677711073281:title=21:51]&nbsp;&nbsp;Discovery Channel? Twat Wars.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161566251594956800:title=21:49]&nbsp;&nbsp;Dos Vaginos. Univision version
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161565632494698496:title=21:47]&nbsp;&nbsp;Two Vaginas. Sounds like a CBS sitcom.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161565301622849536:title=21:45]&nbsp;&nbsp;If I had two vaginas - I'd probably want three. I'm never fucking satisfied.
- [http://twitter.com/denisleary/status/161565079786098688:title=21:44]&nbsp;&nbsp;British woman has two vaginas. Bet her pants fit like a mitten.

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